I laughed pretty hard at this.
Remodeling isn't an option? I take it you have a finished ceiling and it's not...I have to press and jerk in between rafters, but I also don't have a finished ceiling in the laundry room.
If it isn't I'd vote for the split stance and do a strict press. I say this because of the stability a barbell has over dumbbells, as that seems to be a concern of yours. Some forum members have dug holes in their basement and some lug their equipment outside to press.