Stuffed Superdud: Bumpy road to respectable lifting

[ChasingCurls69]

I still can't tie a bowtie despite owning like four of them. Also with this unofficial fashion section of the forum, I can learn most life skills here. If there was a relationships section run by Brent Kim I'd be set.

[idlehands]

Keeping the hits coming man !

Here last weeks story;
Wife was at Disney for her fathers 70th birthday and left me and kiddo for the week. No biggie.

Saturday gym has childcare early like 8 am so I buzz in and buddy was already there in good rack.
His sister was also there who I haven't seen in months. She and her fiancée moved an hour away. I used to coach her on and off so we are cool.

Anyways was chatting with here about the rogue rack I just ordered and she was picking my brain (between sets and warm ups ; three of us had all the racks in use )

I wanted to show her the difference between the 490 and r4 so I whip out my phone to pull up the rogue site. Open chrome to full on video and audio hard core porn. Whoops. Let's hope I caught it in time and she didn't notice cause the angle I was holding it.

Then between sets I'm texting my wife cause she would find this funny. I tell her the story.

He response :

" you should have totally shared your porn with her. I'd do her. You should seduce her "

I made some comments and then quoted something one of our other friends posted on face book

"You need to seduce her too. Woo her with your nerd knowledge "
(Fwiw she was talking about the girl I went to comic con with )

So yah that was an interesting day at the gym.

[stuffedsuperdud]

Ha!! For some reason, I always imagined that only creepy little men who look like Clark from The Americans ever used phone-porn...to jerk off feverishly in the bathroom at work... But now you're telling me jacked lifters with wives and kids do it too? Cripes man is nothing sacred? Props to your wife for use of the word seduce, btw. A professor I was TAing for was grumbling about the lost art of seduction once while we were grading midterms; it was very awkward...but I did take away the part where she went, "It used to be such a fun game. Now it's like, 'Hey boys here's what you're getting. Wanna fuck?'" I want to say, "Oh simpler times..." but if anything, this is way easier than the Victorian shenanigans one had to pull to get laid. The chick I talk D&D with explained to me the other day how a gentleman's pocket square was used to initiate a mating ritual with a hysterical lady, and that whole business was stupid-complex.

Training:
Snatch high pulls:
60kg x5
80x5
90x5
100x5
110x4

Snatch pulls:
120x4
135x3

Snatch deadlift:
150x1
157x5 ta da....

So! Game of Thrones, huh?!??! (No spoilers I think...) I have no complaints about the antics in the North, and got chills a few times when they gently played the House Stark theme because it's nice to see them win one for a change, but am mostly just waiting for the war between Westeros and Dorne, (er, between Cersei and Dorne Cersei) because shit, that Dorne storyline has to go somewhere already, amirite? It started so well, with Oberyn rolling into town and threatening to kill ehhrrrbbaaahdy, but fizzled out completely. Here's hoping we finally get to see what Dornishmen can do in battle??!

Also, boobs. I now have a Pavlovian fire fetish, methinks.

BTW CG pointed this out:


Unrelated:
CG went shopping for more gifts to take to her cousins back home and I tagged along (to make sure she didn't buy thaaaat much stupid shit). Two amusing things:
1. She didn't know what Levi's are. What? "Shut up, I didn't grow up here." If they don't have it at Bergdorf Goodman she don't know it, I guess. Instead she grumbled incessantly about what a ripoff women's jeans were, until I mentioned good old Mr. Strauss. Now she is happily jeaned again and got three pairs for what she used to pay for one fragile pile of crap from a guy named Joe who peddles his shit at Saks....hooray I guess.

1a. As long as we were there I asked what the deal was with the whole raw denim / selvedge denim (they're not synonymous!) thing. Tried several pairs and found that while the cloth did indeed have a very satisfying heft to it, they were universally cut for hipster fuckheads, and I could barely get my calves through the thighs. Also, you want me to pay $200 for jeans? Funny, guy.

2. Remember that commercial I posted awhile back? Here it is again for posterity:


Again, it's a brilliant piece of advertising, targeting aspirational yuppies who did not grow up summering in Cape Cod, but now have the nascent financial means to think about maybe joining a country club someday, and the first step to that is to get oneself some Big P[h]ony. But today, while bored and nauseated as CG sampled EVERYTHING at the perfume counter, I stumbled across all 4 flavors, and found that at best, they smelled like overpriced Old Spice, while the green one was a dead ringer for public bathroom cleaner. I'm out. Back to Royall Lyme; no commercials, just awesome.

Speaking of Cape Cod, I just saw this movie:


It's actually much worse than it looks, but +1 for 90's nostalgia. Luckily, it was only the second-worst movie I saw this weekend, because I finally caught up on Taken 3, which I had missed the first time around, and...yea....

[idlehands]

In my defense I work at home
So no bathroom stall shenanigans with phone. I also have chrome sync between devices and have been drinking -a lot- recently. Who knows what I was up to.

Second girl wife said to woo was the same one I went to comic con with. Haven't seen her in ages but we've been friendly again recently. Comic con was on Mother's Day and she ended up wanting me to pick her up from her sisters house last minute. They were having brunch with all 4 sisters her mother and husbands , boyfriends and kids. That was awkward.

Was one of those last minute texts where I said oh I can't pick you up in running late and we were supposed to meet there. Wife happened to see my phone , declared it was a test and kicked me Out of the house to go pass the test.

Women are confusing

[ChasingCurls69]

The only good thing about squatting 200lbs under your deadlift is that jeans cut for hipster fuckheads still fit really nicely so I might get a pair of those eventually.

[stuffedsuperdud]

Mmmkay let's cut to the chase:

Squat (first time in 2+ weeks...whoops....)
45lb x10
135x8
225x5
315x3
365x1
385x1 overprime
380x5x3 Volume PR
^This was quite difficult. Set 1 rep 5 was easily a max effort rep during which the bar speed was 0 m/s for a good second or two, and Set 2 reps 4 and 5, I was shifting to the stronger leg. Set 3 was actually the easiest set of all, but still had more forward lean than is desired. After set 1, I thought about stopping and just doing 380 again for 3 sets in a few days, but then unbitched myself and did the next two sets because Mattie.

It is now several hours later and I still have a mild exertion headache and the sweats. My low back and hammies are already cramping up and the quads are sure to follow. Tomorrow gonna be a good time.

More serious:
I've been taking advantage of my funemployment gap to catch up on some reading, and for some reason drifted into a pile of books about counterinsurgency. Those of you who were actually there (Eric K, Ryan Long, etc) correct me if I'm wrong, but the whole thing seems like a nightmarish carnival game: you invest tons of effort, money, and (unlike the carnival) the unquantifiable cost of American lives, all in the hopes of landing some giant useless teddy bear, but you don't know the rules, the game is rigged anyway, and you have a bunch of careerist four-star bureaucrats from West Point's class of 1975 or some other useless peacetime year like that slapping you in the eye while you try to shoot straight. In the end, you have a few worthless tickets to show for the terrible price you paid and an invitation to play again.

Mandatory mention: John Nagl's two books, Knife Fights and Eating Soup With a Knife are very informative, though the author seems like kind of a narcissistic dick who fancies himself some sort of misunderstood warrior-scholar when he's really just an opportunist gearing up for a chair at a think tank and an eventual run for the White House.

Not directly related to COIN, but my reading drifted into In a Time of War, detailing the lives of some of West Point's class of 2002 and holy shit that was brutal along the lines of a bunch of old guys from the Pentagon and various defense contractors getting together and "Hey let's take the most courageous and idealistic that America's got and immolate them into a horrible arena that we don't understand. Should be fine. Also $$$$." Maybe we should just let 3rd World shitholes lie. Or maybe I'm too negative and missing some sort of big picture? I don't know.

I guess this sort of sums it up?


Dark Knight and Dark Knight Rises are horribly overrated movies, but they're like pornos in that while the overall storyline is kind of nonsensical and held together with flimsy expository exchanges, we're here for the few critical moneyshot scenes, and in both movies those scenes do deliver, and all this reminded me of Two-Face's reference to decent men vs. indecent times. I ran all this by Jack, the most cynical asshole I know* and an unofficial PhD in the history of failed revolutions, and he did a great Joker impression with, "Eh....there are no more ideals. Only hucksters. You can't do the right thing because everyone else will see your idealism as a weakness to be exploited. All of life is a big hucky game and you can't not play. So I guess, above all else, try not to stick your neck out? If you must, I guess, kill them all? Because this COIN shit reads like a total waste of everything."

I guess this is the long way of me saying that I am pretty eager to get my ass into a DoD R&D lab and invent something that might one day be useful to one of the guys at the tip of this murky spear?? And that's as E&P'y as I'll get, I guess. Well the political side anyway. Everyone is free to continue the discussion on underwater handjobbing.


Less serious:
Some pretty sweet discounts going on this week and next with Allen Edmonds seconds:
ShoeBank - Allen Edmonds Factory Outlet

Just be sure to have the person who answers the phone go and check on the status of the shoes first to make sure the defect isn't a deal breaker. You can't do that with AE HQ though because their customer support can't physically go to the warehouse to check for you so start with the outlets and try HQ only as a last resort (I know: I recently took a chance on a pair of Franciscans from AEHQ and it showed up with a right shoe looked like it had been run over with a truck. There goes a $10 restocking fee; if you're not near an AE store, you're on the hook for return shipping too. Others have reported good luck with seconds, so just my luck, maybe.).


Even less serious: I've been boning up on Rich Kids Of Instagram and Rich Kids of Beverly Hills. They are a tumblr, and a show, respectively, of exactly what you think: extremely narcissistic children of rich fucks behaving badly BUT not necessarily obliviously...which sort of helps. As in, "Yea I know why you hate me. But I'm going to keep doing it anyway."

CG: "Here's the rub. I grew up richer than all these shits and we weren't like that. The money's so old it's really more of a safety net than something to be an asshole about. And my parents went to college and worked, same as everyone else."
SSD: "Uh...you had your own driver. And let's not forget the palace, the marriage proposals, the finishing schools-"
CG: "Shut up, asshole. That's besides the point. Yes yes we have nice things. But we're not dicks about it. Come on, I drive a fucking Civic. My dad's super old and still goes to work three days a week."
SSD: "So what's the difference?"
CG: "We're just normal people with a big income. These children are infuriating because you are judging them by human standards. They are not humans. They are just what happens when some fucking gold-digging cunt whore-"
SSD: "Whoa. C-word."
CG: "Shut up, asshole. The only real 'c-word' is cancer. Don't pretend to be some prude."
SSD: "Okay...go on."
CG: "So anyway. These fucking whores are not from what we call 'good families.' They're just stupid bitches trying to land themselves a rich husband. So some stupid horny guy comes along and, as we say back home, 'Cunt's gonna cunt.'"
SSD: "Pretty sure they don't say that 'back home.'"
CG: "Can you just let me tell the story? So these stupid bitches land themselves a man, and then it's time to start popping out the REAL anchor babies. Anchoring her to the money. And then he's too busy hustling and she's too busy drinking, going to yoga, and fucking Paco the pool boy to raise them."
SSD: "Okay..."
CG: "So these kids don't get to be kids and they don't turn into normal adults. They're just pawns in some whore's stupid little game."
SSD: "Uh...should I start feeling sorry for them?"
CG: "No. I'd trade places if I could. But just understand you shouldn't get mad because they're not people. They're just characters on the internet."

TL;DR: CG would be really good at E&P.

*Even though his dad is a badass Vietnam-era Marine aviator who put him through the whole All-American experience of Boy Scouts, Little League, fancy independent schools, Reagan Republicanism, etc etc. Apples and trees don't always line up, I guess.

[stuffedsuperdud]

CG sounds like DirtyRed with a vajajay.

Right?! And I have the same odds at banging either one, too. I used to think DR was a stupid meathead, but it turns out he's actually kind of a genius, libertarian rage aside.

How realistic is this beltway R&D job?

Quiet, Mom. Oh wait it's you. Eh...realistic enough that I signed a lease and paid a month's rent already so I'd be seriously pissed if it for some reason it goes sideways. Found out today that they finally might have figured out the account for paying me, but that I need to hurry up and wait to hear from them again on Friday. Starting to remind me of the first few minutes of this:

[trick_ster]

"The pendulum swung far away from nookie, right into the son of god." there's gotta a be a time and place for this quote.

[stuffedsuperdud]

How about a bad day for once?

The squats on Tuesday wrecked me pretty hard and I was actually having trouble walking on Wednesday/Thursday/Friday. Next time, maybe after a two week layoff, don't go straight to the next weight? Mmmmkay.

Today I did:
Snatch:
40kg x3,5
50x3
60x3
70x3
80x0,0
85x0,0
80x0

So yea hit a big fat wall. The 80's all went overhead, but I could not lock them out. The 85s I couldn't even get under them despite giving them giant heaves and consciously finishing my pulls. Fuck this sport.

Entertainment:
1. Saw a cool little indie rom-com/sci-fi movie called The Lobster yesterday and came out super depressed. The TL;DR is, it's a absurd alternate world where all single people are herded into a hotel for what amounts to a 6-week speed-dating getaway. People who are not paired off at the end of the trip are turned into an animal of their choice. Residents are able to earn additional days to match up by going into the woods with tranquilizer guns and hunting down the fugitive single people who hide out in the woods near the hotel and are organized under a fascist leader. The whole thing fell flat for CG since she's used to guys throwing themselves at her, but for the rest of us, well, anyone who, say, has ever resorted to online dating will recognize all the ridiculous complications we put ourselves through in the romance (read: narcissism) game.

2. Attended a barbecue hosted by a horde of people from Catalonia, possibly the only part of the world where the men are consistently more beautiful than the women, and the women aren't bad at all. Cereally, I thought I was inside a Ralph Lauren ad most of the time, and a Catalan accent actually sounds significantly more refined than anything a New England WASP can muster. Unfortunately, as CG put it, "These guys are not the sharpest tools in the shed. Very very shiny yes, but not so sharp."

2a. They're also rubbish at barbecuing, and actually showed up without tools or a cooler, only a few bottles of wine, a box of frozen patties, and about fifty Zippos. I got them tools from my car, but before handing them over tried to make their leader admit that America was the best country on Earth. He conceded that we are the best country on Earth at barbecuing. Close enough. 'murricah, bitches.

[CJ Gotcher]

"These guys are not the sharpest tools in the shed. Very very shiny yes, but not so sharp."

*quietly stashes quote away for later use....