DirtyRed Attempts Legitimacy

[Cole Gorton]

dirty red is funny

[DirtyRed]

One of these days, I'm going to fail a squat.
One of these days, deadlifts are going to stall.
One of these days, I'm going to remember to update this log on the day I actually goddamn lift.
But it is not this day.

Squats on Intensity Day (note: Friday the 17th) went well. Bench wasn't as successful, the short story is I only got 3 reps. Long story is, the gym FINALLY got a second platform/rack combo thing so now I don't have to deadlift of the floor when there's one retard wasting the platform on stupid shit (more on that later), and it apparently came with a bar. This bar had the "dual markings" in the knurling so that fucking retarded Olympic wannabes can pretend to matter while I can still figure out where I need to grip the bar for real lifting (not that I wouldn't ALSO prefer the powerlifting marking for Olympic lifting, but no one listens to DirtyRed even though he's smarter than all of them). However, those markings were wrong. Well, I'm assuming they are, because THAT is the junker bar that came with included with actual equipment, and the Intek bars I'm afraid my nitwit gym spent $500 a piece on (for bars that don't even have a goddamn middle knurling) have narrower markings.

I only realized this when I thought my deadlift grip (on the mixed grip, I usually have my pinky JUST inside the inside mark in the knurling) felt weirdly wide. Note that bench press (where I put my ring finger ON the inside mark in the knurling) comes before deadlift. So maybe that's why bench press didn't go super well. Though once I realized the problem (which, fortunately, I did on a warmup set and not a work set), that bar was pretty good for deadlifting. Knurling was the grippiest (<-Industry term) of all the bars that aren't 32mm crappo (<-Another industry term) bars in the gym.

You might be thinking, "DR, how did you not notice your grip was wider than normal on the bench press."

Kindly take those perfectly reasonable sort of questions and blow them out your ass. I lift weights, I don't do any booknerd thinking.

Dipshit of the Week goes to the fucking stooge wasting the platform to upright row 65 lbs (LMAO0.4PLAET) while standing on the platform, even though he never actually put the weight on the platform. Honorable mentions go to the clown supersetting standing, two-hands barbell presses with one-hand presses of the pre-loaded barbell things most people use for curls or upright rows when they aren't fagging up the men's equipment, AND the chump who didn't realize his bench press grip was wider than usual until he started deadlifting.

Intensity Day 6 (last full one before comp)
Squats: 5x1 565 lbs
Bench (paused): 3x1 310 lbs
Deadlifts: 3x1 520 lbs

[Sean Herbison]

This is easily the most entertaining training log on this site.

[idlehands]

This is easily the most entertaining training log on this site.

I don't want to read it cause dirty red. But it makes me chuckle so I read it. Also am jelly of his squat.

[DirtyRed]

I do it all for my fans. I even managed to update the day I actually lifted (it's after midnight, but fuck you, it was only six hours ago) for you.

Last True Volume Day before the meet, and thank god (who probably doesn't exist). I was beginning to get delirious by the end of the squats. I'm going to write down 5x5, but I'm only 95% sure that I counted correctly. Things were starting to get a bit trippy. Now comes the fun of weight loss.

Dipshit of the Week is clearly gaining some prestige, as nearly every fucking jackass in the gym was in hot pursuit of the glory that comes with the award. One front runner emerged, however, as some WWF Huge bodybuilder (who I think is actually named Biggs) type cretin put all four pairs of 45 lbs bumper plates onto that new bar with the "special" knurling marks for rack pulls, or something like them. He ended these not by actually using all the goddamn bumpers he was hogging not by putting the weight down on the platform, but by crashing/dropping it back into the rack like a waterhead. I would later check and confirm that the week old bar appeared to be slightly bent. Just in case anyone was under the impression that bodybuilders were anything other than the absolute scum of the earth, fit to be mentioned in the same sentence with only politicians, lawyers, serial rapists, and Mike Krzyzweski.

God (who still probably doesn't exist), I am looking forward to a week and a half of not much. Followed by an afternoon that might kill me. Followed by another week of not doing goddamn much. My bloody quadriceps need it. Though I've noticed if I squat with something resembling proper hip drive, and don't let my hips swing forward and under my torso, thereby increasing knee flexion at the bottom, it aggravates my knee less.

Why didn't any of you fuckers tell me that doing things correctly would make everything better?

Volume Day 7
Squats: 5x5 470 lbs
Bench (Touch'n'Go): 5x5 270 <-Note that I failed that last week. So progress, I guess.
"Speed" Deadlifts: 3x3 350 lbs

[idlehands]

Buddy's been in Long Island lately and his gym sightings are worse. Some guy doing 225 rows on a bench where he dropped loaded bar to the bench to catch it on the bounce. And by bench I mean the actual goddamned pad (yes it was torn )

[DirtyRed]

Buddy's been in Long Island lately and his gym sightings are worse. Some guy doing 225 rows on a bench where he dropped loaded bar to the bench to catch it on the bounce. And by bench I mean the actual goddamned pad (yes it was torn )

I have seen that shit happen once in a while, though I don't think with that much weight ever.

I'm fairly certain it would be legal to clobber them with a dumbbell on the grounds of defending yourself and/or other's property from destruction.

At the very least, no jury of my peers would ever convict me of anything for that.

[DirtyRed]

I'm beginning to think something might actually be wrong with me. Other than my height, face, grooming habits, and personality. I got back home from Light Day and thought, "Gee, I need to go update my log for Light Day on time for once so I don't look like a buffoon in front of internet people."

Then I sat down to type it up, and phhbtbtbtbtbtbtbtbtbt. I don't know what happened. I think I got a sentence in and then wandered off after something shiny, and didn't remember about it until I was about to leave for Intensity Day, at which point I just figured I'd do it afterwards.

I'm not going to lie, I almost didn't go do light day in order to do nothing but play Mass Effect. Glad I did go, as Dipshit of the Week turned into a barn burner, as a tag team of dweebs, who combined couldn't have weighed as much as one actual pro wrestler, took turns doing jumping jacks with that rope thing most ordinary idiots just beat against the ground. It's dipshittery like that, innovating a new form of dumbassitude, that is what Dipshit of the Week is all about. I'm not sure they managed to eclipse the sheer magnitude of dipshittery exhibited by the bar-bending buffoon from Monday, but they can hold their heads as high as their pencil necks will let them, knowing that I would MUCH rather fight both of them than the Matt Morgan knockoff.

Not much dipshittery on display Friday though. So Dipshit of the Week goes to Biggs The Bar Bending Bonehead. Another achievement in idiocy to add to the rich history of jackassery in bodybuilding.

Light Day 7
Squats: 2x5 315 lbs
Standing Press: 3x5 195 lbs
Chin Ups: 3x8

Intensity Day, start of taper
Squats: 575lbs x1
Bench (paused: 300lbs x1
Deadlift: 500lbs x1

Just hit every opener I expect to use for an easy, non-nervous-system-frying work out. Will obviously have to adjust the exact weight, probably rounding downward, because the commies in the USAPL insist I use weights measured in kg (note: not a unit of weight, but a unit of mass) in increments of 2.5 kg.

[DirtyRed]

Goddamnit. One of these days I'll stop lying to myself and just accept that I'll never update this log the same day I actually lift.

"Volume Day" (Note: Happened on the 27th) was the piddling half-volume lolday The Book of Never Yielding Programing Brilliance recommends for the last Monday before a meet. I half assed it and that still might have been more ass than ideal. Oh well, after five days of not doing much of shit (plus a light day where I go to the gym mostly to see what interesting angles I can view the fly hunnies with when using the omni-directional mirroring apparatus) it probably won't make a difference on Saturday.

There was no particular stand out dipshittery, but holy shit was there a nonstop barrage of milquetoast dipshittery. Leader is the MEH-aged lady who lazily orbited a 10 lbs kettlebell around her waist. You know, that time honored method of training where you move weight perpendicular to gravity. At least she was technically overcoming some angular momentum.

Monday Before Meet
Squats: 3x5 405 lbs
Bench (paused): 3x5 225 lbs
Speed Deadlifts: 3x3 315 lbs

Now, it might look like I just slapped X number of 45 lbs plates on the bar and did some uninspired rep ranges because I was too lazy to think of anything better or bother "micro"loading with 25 lbs plates or anything. But what you're missing is all of the lies the previous administration told that completely absolves DirtyRed of the truth.

Shut up.

ETA: If you all are lucky, I will remember to update for Why Do I Bother Day before the actual meet occurs.

[DirtyRed]

I weighed in at about 236 lbs on an electronic scale at the gym whose accuracy I don't have much reason to question. I need to lose five goddamn pounds before Saturday. I'm going to see what a combination of not eating anything and telling the girl at the front desk to drag my unconscious body out of the sauna in two hours accomplishes. If I'm not at weight on Friday, I can always barf a lot and then write a book about my struggles with my own ineptitude and everything.

Not a lot of anything happened in the gym. This was barely even "Active Recovery."

Last Workout Before Meet
Squats: 1x5 315 lbs
Standing Press: 2x5 155 lbs
Chin Ups: 1x8