DirtyRed Attempts Legitimacy

[DirtyRed]

I had to superglue a bit of velcro back onto my deadlift shoes that I had been squatting in, and I kept fucking forgetting to do so. I FINALLY remembered shortly before heading off the squat, and just did it anyway and used my heeled shoes to squat on Thursday. I might just go back to the heeled shoes. Their sole is so broad, rigid, and nigh impossible to walk to the water fountain in, that I feel absolutely stable and shit against the ground.

I also set up some box squats in the hopes it will help me stop squatting three inches too deep.

Thursday 3-21-2019
Squats: 515 lbs 1x1
Box Squats (Touch'n'Go): 455 lbs 3x2 425 lbs 3x4
Neutral Grip Rows: 185 lbs 5x10
DB Preacher Curls: 40 lbs 5 sets 2 minute rests, 50 total reps
Jump Rope: 1:30 x3, was going to be more but my quad began to cramp

Friday 3-22-2019
Deadlifts: 495 lbs 3x1 455 lbs 3x2 405 lbs 3x4 365 lbs 3x7
Bench Press: 315 lbs 1x1 275 lbs 3x3 245 lbs 3x5 225 lbs 3x8
Dips: 5x12 low rest

Saturday 3-23-2019
Chin Ups: 5 sets, 2-3 minute rests, 52 total reps
Roman Chair Sit Ups: 5 lbs added, 4x10
Stationary Bike: 10 minutes, 145-155 HR.

[DirtyRed]

Recently, there has been some new fuckwit in the gym. I normally wouldn't specify one particular fuckwit, but this fuckwit can be constantly seen doing ABSOLUTELY FUCKING EVERYTHING wrong. It's like some incarnation of human retardation decided they were going to get swole, 1/12 of a rep at a time. I've seen this knob "bench press" 95 lbs by basically retracting and they shoving forward his shoulders. I think the little dipshit just invented "bench shrugs" in that moment. He(? I genuinely don't know what gender the formless putz is supposed to be) could be seen doing the exact same shit on the chest press machine. Next time I turn around, "he" is "curling" 10 lbs with an elbow perpetually stuck at 90 degrees as the weight swings from his shoulder. Zero biceps activation in this biceps curl, fucking mind boggling. A smith machine was right next to the rack I was using one day, this idiot puts a plate on each side, steps in, just barely unlocks his knees, and still manages to raise his heels off the ground.

But what REALLY boiled the old noodle was seeing his sled pushing. He didn't half rep it, possibly because that might be impossible to do on a sled push. But he did manage to turn his toes INWARD every goddamn step and them somehow push with his foot severely pronated. I would think that was impossible if I hadn't see him somehow do it. I didn't know a human ankle could bend like that, much less transfer any force through it in that position without requiring surgery immediately afterwards.

Worst of all, he once showed up in a shirt with Broly on it, captioned "Training To Be Legendary." I am seriously racking my brain, trying to remember ever encountering such a complete and total waste of a fuck, and I can't do it. And I've worked in food service. This is what witless "positivity" and such bullshit gets you. The occasional critical thought, instance of "judgement," or, heaven forfend, "truth" will invariably prevent incompetence of quite this magnitude. Or at least foster the sort of self awareness that prevents wearing a shirt like that when you can't manage simple human movement without fucking it up.

If I was EVER this bad at ANYTHING as this fucking jackass is at EVERYTHING, I'd probably kill myself. I'm talking the whole 9 yards, a white robe, friend with a katana nearby, and a letter of apology on the desk.

Oh, I also got roped into a basketball game on Monday. ONE basketball game is no big deal, even if I shoot like a Michigan player.

Monday 3-25-2019
Some Basketball
Squats: 515 lbs 3x1 475 lbs 3x2 425 lbs 3x4 365 lbs 3x7 315 lbs 1x10
Bench Press: 315 lbs 1x1 275 lbs 3x2 255 lbs 3x5 225 lbs 3x8 205 lbs 1x10
DB Bench Press: 70 lbs 5x12

Putzed around with some T-Bar rows on Tuesday

Tuesday 3-26-2019
Deadlift: 495 lbs 1x1
Stiff Legged Deadlift: 245 lbs 4x10
T-Bar Rows: 90 lbs added, 4x12
Curls: 90 lbs 5x10
Jump Rope: 1:30 x5

Got roped into another basketball game on Wednesday. Then they wanted to run it back. After that, I was about to dip out as some others showed up to play, only to realize that would have left an odd number of people staying, so I played a third game. On what is basically a third of a basketball court wedged into the back of the gym, meaning exactly no straight line running and 100% side step shuffling and shit. My sad ankles can't handle that crap. I continue to shoot like a Michigan player.

Wednesday 3-27-2019
A wholly unacceptable amount of basketball
Paused Bench: 300 lbs 5x1
Close Grip Bench: 185 lbs 4x10
Seated DB Press: 60 lbs 5x8
Pull ups: 5x8

Thursday 3-28-2019
Squats: 515 lbs 1x1
Box Squats (Touch'n'Go): 455 lbs 5x2
Front Squats: 275 lbs 3x5
DB Rows: 70 lbs 5x10
DB Preacher Curls: 40 lbs, 5 sets, 2 minute rests, 51 reps
Stationary Bike: 10 minutes.

[DirtyRed]

I tried narrowing up my deadlift stance a bit, so that I might be able to grip the bar more narrowly without my knee getting in the way of my elbow. While it felt a little awkward at first, it definitely felt stronger right off the ground. Weirdly, I felt like my abs were exhausting before anything else on the higher rep sets.

Friday 3-29-2019
Deadlifts: 495 lbs 3x1 455 lbs 3x2 405 lbs 3x4 365 lbs 3x7 315 lbs 1x10
Bench Press: 315 lbs 1x1 285 lbs 3x2 255 lbs 3x5 225 lbs 3x8 205 lbs 1x10
Dips: 5x12

Saturday 3-30-2019
Chin Ups: 5 sets, 2 minute rests, 51 total reps
Glute/Ham Raises: 4x8
Roman Chair Sit Ups: 5 lbs added, 4x10
Stationary Bike: 10 minutes

Monday 4-1-2019
Squats: 525 lbs 3x1 475 lbs 3x2 425 lbs 3x4 385 lbs 3x7 325 lbs 1x10
Bench Press: 315 lbs 1x1 285 lbs 3x2 255 lbs 3x5 225 lbs 3x8 205 lbs 1x10
DB Bench Press: 75 lbs 5x10

Tuesday 4-2-2019
One Basketball Game
Deadlift: 515 lbs 1x1
Stiff Legged Deadlifts: 255 lbs 4x10
Back Extensions: 25 lbs added, 4x10
Curls: 80 lbs 5x10 trying to be all strict and shit
Jump Rope: Just trying not to trip like a jackass intermittently for about 20 minutes.

[DirtyRed]

Wednesday 4-3-2019
Paused Bench Press: 300 lbs 8x1
Pull Ups: 5x8
Seated Press: 135 lbs 5x8
Seated DB Press: 55 lbs 4x10

I misloaded the bar when backing off from the heavy single to do box squats. I forgot a 25 lbs plate on one side. I have a degree in accounting. Thanks government education!

Thursday 4-4-2019
Squat: 525 lbs 1x1
Box Squat (Touch'n'Go): 475 lbs 3x2
Paused Squat (no box): 405 lbs 4x4
T-Bar Rows: 115 lbs added 5x10
DB Preacher Curls: 45 lbs, 5 sets, 2 minute rests, 42 reps
Stationary Bike: 10 minutes

Deadlifts felt much improved on Friday. Hands were hamburger by the end, but the deadlifts felt strong.

Friday 4-5-2019
Deadlifts: 515 lbs 3x1 455 lbs 3x1 425 lbs 3x4 385 lbs 3x7 335 lbs 10x1
Bench Press: 315 lbs 1x1 225 lbs 5x10
Dips: 5x12

Saturday 4-6-2019
Chin ups: 5 sets, 2 minute rests, 53 total reps
Roman Chair Sit Ups: 4x15
Glute/Ham Raises: 5x8
Stationary Bike: 15 minutes

I, AGAIN, misloaded the bar squatting. Left an entire plate off one side when going up for warm ups. I really should have a Snickers sponsorship.

DR: *Misloads bar and nearly kills everyone within 10 feet trying to unrack it*
Some Jagoff: Hey DR, eat a Snickers.
DR: Why?
SJ: You're kind of a complete retard when you're hungry
DR: *Munches Snickers* Better?
SJ: . . .Naw. The hunger must have been unrelated.

Monday 4-8-2019
Squats: 525 lbs 3x1 475 lbs 3x2 425 lbs 3x4 385 lbs 3x7 335 lbs 1x10
Bench press: 315 lbs 1x1 285 lbs 3x2 255 lbs 3x5 225 3x8 205 lbs 1x10
DB Bench Press: 75 lbs 5x10

Tuesday 4-9-2019
Deadlift: 515 lbs 1x1
Stiff Legged Deadlifts: 265 lbs 5x10
Neutral Grip Rows: 205 lbs 5x8
Barbell Curls: 80 lbs 5x10
Heavy Bag: 50 jabs, 50 crosses, 50 left hooks, 50 right hooks, 30 1-2 combos x3

[DirtyRed]

HA! I update within a week. Technically. Shut up.

Wednesday 4-10-2019
Paused Bench Press: 300 lbs 8x1
Pull Ups: 5x8
Seated Press: 135 lbs 5x8
Seated DB Press: 55 lbs 4x8

Thursday 4-11-2019
Squats: 525 lbs 1x1
Box Squats: 475 lbs 5x2
Front Squats: 275 lbs 4x6
Dumbbell Row: 75 lbs 5x10
DB Preacher Curl: 45 lbs, 5 sets, 2 minutes rest, 42 reps
Stationary Bike: 15 minutes

Friday 4-12-2019
Deadlifts: 525 lbs 1x1 475 lbs 3x2 425 lbs 3x4 385 lbs 3x7 335 lbs 1x10
Bench Press: 315 lbs 1x1 225 lbs 5x10
Roman Chair Sit Ups: 4x15
Glute/Ham Raises: 4x8
Dips: 5x12

Saturday 4-13-2019
Basketball: One game
Stationary Bike: 15 minutes

I might have to start a short recovery period after this week. Getting weary with the heavy singles. Also, the turbo dipshit previously mentioned was fucking up something I hadn't seen him fuck up before, in a way I had never see ANYONE fuck up before. The fool was half repping (duh) dips with his elbows moving DIRECTLY along the frontal plane. Like, if you did that Robot dance move where you hold your elbow out at shoulder height and dangle your hand below it, it looked a lot like that. Except his elbow didn't get anywhere near shoulder height, which is probably the only reason we didn't have to call the numbnut an ambulance.

I don't know if I mentioned, but he's always looking at his phone between instances of fucking everything he does up. It's not like he's hogging some equipment for a half hour while glued to his phone. I only mention because it's clear the little knob has the internet. There is absolutely no possible way he could be this completely ignorant of EVERYTHING gym. His entire act has to be a deliberate rib on me, I've decided. He was just an ordinary though incredibly skinnyfat guy who decided to be retarded on purpose just to mess with me. That's the only explanation.

Monday 4-15-2019
Squats: 525 lbs 3x1 475 lbs 3x2 425 lbs 3x4 375 lbs 3x7 335 lbs 1x10
Bench Press: 315 lbs 1x1 285 lbs 3x2 255 lbs 3x5 225 lbs 3x8 205 lbs 1x10
DB Bench Press: 75 lbs 5x10
Roman Chair Sit Ups: 4x15

[DirtyRed]

Tuesday 4-16-2019
Deadlift: 525 lbs 1x1
Stiff-Legged Deadlift: 275 lbs 5x10
T-Bar Row: 135 lbs 5x10
Barbell Curls: 80 lbs 5x10
Stationary Bike: 15 minutes

Wednesday 4-17-2019
Paused Bench Press: 300 lbs 8x1
Pull Ups: 5x8
Seated Press: 135 lbs 5x8
Seated DB Press: 55 lbs 5x8
Jump Rope: 1:30 x5

Mr. All Fail was back at it. He was eighth squatting in the smith machine, with the bar up on his cervical vertebrae, hunched over like Quasimodo. Like, the bar was COMPLETELY in front of his shoulder. For a back "squat."

Thursday 4-18-2019
Squat: 525 lbs 1x1
Box Squat: 475 lbs 5x2
Paused Squat: 425 lbs 4x4
DB Row: 75 lbs 5x10
DB Preacher Curl: 45 lbs, 5 sets, 2 minute rests, 42 reps
Heavy Bag: 50 jabs, 50 crosses, 50 left hooks, 50 right hooks, 30 1-2 combinations x3

Friday 4-19-2019
Deadlifts: 525 lbs 3x1 475 lbs 3x2 425 lbs 3x4 385 lbs 3x7 335 lbs 1x10
Bench Press: 315 lbs 1x1 225 lbs 5x10
Dips: 5x12
Glute/Ham Raises: 4x8

Saturday 4-20-2019
Chin Ups: 5 sets, 2 minutes rest, 54 reps
Stationary Bike: 20 minutes

[DirtyRed]

Baby Week begins.

Monday 4-22-2019
Squats: 495 lbs 1x1 445 lbs 4x4
Bench Press: 315 lbs 1x1 265 lbs 4x4
DB Bench Press: 75 lbs 4x8

I've seen people do the whole "squat with your hands on the plates as if you were splayed all over a couch" thing before. Tuesday was the first time I saw someone do it with less than 135 lbs.

Tuesday 4-23-2019
Deadlift: 495 lbs 1x1 445 lbs 4x4
Neutral Grip Rows: 205 lbs 3x8
Barbell Curl: 80 lbs 5x10
Stationary Bike: 20 minutes

Wednesday, I noticed a seam on the outside/lateral side, as opposed to medial side, of my right shoe had begun to come undone. Zion Williamson and I have one more thing in common (considering height, weight, shade, speed, agility, and strength, this brings the total to exactly one thing), Nike has failed us. I guess they'd rather make 90 second long carpetbagging ads about how WAMEN CAN DO STUFF TOO (but only against other women, it seems), than make a shoe that can withstand 12 months of mild use. I vaguely recall, in the 90s, women just did stuff and no one raised an eyebrow and Nike could make a shoe that would hold together for a fucking calendar year. I have Nike basketball shoes from literally a decade ago that are still holding together. I had Nike golf shoes that lasted through multiple seasons of constant wear and tear through rain and shine and on rare, miserable occasion, snow. But I guess Nike has completely shit the sheets in the past five years. If they think women are so goddamn competent, they need to get some into their sweatshops (SO WOKE) and teach them to sew a fucking shoe.

I also did some power cleans (in my Adidas shoes) for shits and giggles. It has been a while, and the 135 lbs warm up rep was probably the most awkward of the bunch. Once I did a couple of reps and bits of me stopping moving in every different direction, all out of order and shit, they went smoothly.

Wednesday 4-24-2019
Power Cleans: 225 lbs 5x2
Paused Bench Press: 275 lbs 4x2
Pull Ups: 5x10
Standing Press: 155 lbs 3x5

Thursday 4-25-2019
One Basketball Game (ugh)
Squats: 495 lbs 1x1
Box Squats: 475 lbs 4x2
Pause Squats: 405 lbs 2x4
T-Bar Row: 135 lbs 3x8
DB Preacher Curl: 5 sets, 2 minute rests, 44 reps
Stationary Bike: 15 minutes

I don't know what you call it when, on bench press, you bring the bar down to your chest, press it ~halfway up, bring it back down to your chest, and then press it all the way up. Some time ago, a guy named Tyler recommended that to someone else in the gym, and I thought they'd be handy to try out. So I'm going to call them Tylers until someone corrects me.

Friday 4-26-2019
Deadlifts: 495 lbs 1x1
Paused Deadlifts: 405 lbs 4x4
Bench Press: 315 lbs 1x1
Tylers: 235 lbs 5x3
Dips: 5x10
Glute/Ham Raises: 4x8
Roman Chair Sit Ups: 4x15

I think I thunk a thought about the sled pushes on Saturday. I was just going to push the sled "down," not back, wait for a solid minute, and then push it back, and keep repeating that sort of cadence for a while. Partly because some guy who keeps studying for a CSCS was saying glycolytic training should be something between 1:12 and 1:20 ratio of "work" to "rest." Which honestly seems pretty fucking high, but pushing the sled in one direction probably took more than 5 second anyway, so I was coming in under 1:12 ratio. This also keeps the "work" short enough that I can manage a more steady pace for longer, rather than needing 5 minutes to recover from two down'n'backs or some such.

Also, someone clued me into a CBS Sports app that has rugby on it. Which would be a vast improvement over the collegiate Spikeball that E!SPN deems fit to air. I'ma have to look into whether or not my crummy data plan and even crummier phone can manage to run that.

Saturday 4-27-2019
Chin Ups: 5 sets, 2 minute rests, 54 total reps
Sled Pushes: Push one way, rest a minute, repeat. 10 trips total.
Stationary Bike: 10 minutes

[DirtyRed]

Monday 4-29-2019
Squats: 495 lbs 2x1
Paused Squats: 475 lbs 5x1
Bench Press: 315 lbs 1x1
Paused Bench Press: 295 lbs 5x1
DB Bench Press: 75 lbs 4x8

May have went just a BIT silly with sled pushes. My hamstrings are still a bit stiff.

Tuesday 4-30-2019
Deadlifts: 495 lbs 2x1
Paused Deadlifts: 475 lbs 5x1
DB Row: 75 lbs 4x8
Barbell Curls: 80 lbs 5x10
Sled Pushes: 1 way (~35 yards), rest 1:00-1:30, repeat, 20 "reps"

Wednesday 5-1-2019
Power Cleans: 245 lbs 5x2
Paused Bench Press: 275 lbs 4x2
Standing Press: 155 lbs 3x5
Pull Ups: 5x10

[DirtyRed]

Tried some heavy singles on Thursday and Friday to get an idea of where I am now that I weigh a paltry 205 lbs.

Thursday 5-2-2019
Squat: 545 lbs 1x1
DB Rows: 75 lbs 4x8
Bicep Curls: 80 lbs 5x10

Can squat 545 lbs with extra in the tank, can't budge 545 lbs off the fucking floor.

Friday 5-3-2019
Deadlift: 525 lbs 1x1
Paused Bench Press: 315 lbs
Glute/Ham Raises: 4x8
Roman Chair Sit Ups: 4x15
Dips: 5x12

Saturday 5-5-2019
Pull Ups: 5 sets, 2 minute rest, 51 total reps
Sled Pushes: ~35 paces each way, 2 plaet on the sled, 1 minute rests, 10 "reps"
Stationary Bike: 10 minutes

[DirtyRed]

What is written here is what I intended to do. What my dumb ass actually did was load 310 lbs for the first bench press rep, wonder why the hell "300 lbs" moved so fucking slow, then realized the mistake JUST before doing another rep.

Monday 5-6-2019
Squats: 495 lbs 3x1 445 4x4 385 lbs 4x7
Bench Press: 300 lbs 3x1 255 lbs 4x4 235 lbs 4x7
DB Bench Press: 80 lbs 5x8

Operation Get My Hamstrings And Thereby My Deadlift Stronger Or Collapse My Entire Spine Trying commenced on Tuesday. I need to get better at thinking up operation names.

Tuesday 5-7-2019
Deadlifts: 495 lbs 1x1 395 lbs 8x6
Stiff Legged Deadlifts: 315 lbs 4x8
Curls: 80 lbs 5x10
Heavy Bag: 50 jabs, 50 crosses, 50 left hooks, 50 right hooks, 30 1-2 combinations x2

E!SPN will air a lot of tremendously stupid shit in the name of bending over backwards to avoid showing any level of actual athleticism, masculinity, or actual Sport on television, but I approve of this tomahawk throwing championship they were showing.

Wednesday 5-9-2019
Power Cleans: 245 lbs 5x2
"Tylers:" 235 lbs 6x4
Incline Bench Press: 135 lbs 5x8
Pull Ups: 5x10