DirtyRed Attempts Legitimacy

[DirtyRed]

Forgot light day update, again. I'm running out of jokes about it and brain injuries at this point.

I don't know if the dips are already causing improvement or if 280 lbs just isn't a lot of weight to bench press, having just started another cycle and all. Squats felt rock solid. The gym has started to provide some cone of chalk thing, apparently to try to help out actual lifters while containing what little mess the chalk we used to bring in would make. I can't find what the fuck it actually was online, but I suspect it was more than just magnesium carbonate, like some binding agent to keep it from disintegrating into a pile of powder the first time someone touched it, because it felt noticeably slicker than the chalk I was using. I suspect this could be a problem down the road, as I'm not fucking up deadlifts in order to avoid making a "mess" that I just make anyway with this stupid Cone of Bullshit.

Also, due to the relative dearth of respectable retardery for me to notice in the gym this week, and because it's the most overrated week of golf, and perhaps all of sports, AND because from now on, until something mildly annoys him, DirtyRed is going to have a more positive and benevolent outlook on life, it's Golf Clap of the Week instead of Dipshit of the Week this week. And it goes to the two girls squatting 55 lbs, TO DEPTH. With a low bar position and everything. Sure, there were probably enough nitpicks to bring them from an A to a B, but standards are REALLY goddamn low in there.

Light Day 3.1
Squats: 2x5 315 lbs
Standing Press: 3x5 155 lbs
Chin Ups: 3x8

Intensity Day 3.1
Squats: 5x1 545 lbs
Bench (paused): 5x1 280 lbs
Deadlifts: 3x1 495 lbs

[DirtyRed]

I'm not sure if it was simply doing dips for the second time in YEARS, but 5x5 with some weight added (lol10 lbs) was a lot easier than the 5x8 from last week. I may need to add more weight.

I'm not sure if it was a lack of readily available carbs, or the heat in the gym, or what, but I was suffering in between sets that weren't that fucking hard to actually do.

I'm not sure if it's just a weird coincidence, or a sign of the apocalypse that Sergio Garcia won a major (I hate that "man" so fucking much) and everyone stopped acting a goddamn fool in the gym for an evening. It may just be that there is no god, and I was in the gym after the height of the Tard Rush, respectively.

Volume Day 3.2
Squats: 5x5 440 lbs
Bench (paused): 5x5 240 lbs
Speed Deadlifts: 3x3 320 lbs

[DirtyRed]

Technically this counts as me remembering Light Day. Shut up, it does.

It might be two weeks in a row of Golf Clap of the Week. A girl was squatting 135 lbs to depth for reps. Which doesn't SEEM impressive, but that's probably a women's gym record by however much more she was squatting that the women who won Golf Clap of the Week last week. Sure, she was doing it with a 25 lbs bumper, a 10 lbs bumper, and a metal 10 lbs plate on the bar, but it's expected that a woman would make it as goddamn complicated as possible.

AND, there either hasn't been any retardery of note while I've been there, or I've just grown accustomed to it, like Toronto fans have grown accustomed to not mattering.

I say all of this because Light Day was, as usual, not noteworthy in the slightest. I arrived, I lifted "weight" to distract myself from my own wearying self-loathing and insecurity, I took a fat deuce, and I left.

Light Day 3.2
Squats: 2x5 315 lbs
Standing Press: 3x5 160 lbs
Chin Ups: 3x8

[Simon Rest]

Nice meet.

I know I'm late on that, but it's the time difference, ya know?

[DirtyRed]

Nice meet.

I know I'm late on that, but it's the time difference, ya know?

I have often heard that the likes of Australia and Japan exist in the future. Japan in the technopunk future of amazing and embarrassing gadgets, and Australia in the Mad Maxian hellscape future after global nuclear war.

Also, spacing on updating for Intensity Day is new. Support privately funded, free market stem cell research so that DirtyRed can continue to remember what day of the week it is.

There was no special tomfoolery on Friday, so Golf Clap of the Week has to go to the previously mentioned girl squatting LMAO1PLAYT for actual reps.

Also, even though ole DirtyRed had to do the workout in record time because other bullshit, everything went nice and cleanly. This log is getting sickeningly positive. If I don't see someone doing yoga in the squat rack or something else fucking dumb next week, I might change gyms.

Intensity Day 3.2
Squats: 5x1 550 lbs
Bench (Paused): 5x1 285 lbs
Deadlift: 3x1 500 lbs

[Simon Rest]

I have often heard that the likes of Australia and Japan exist in the future. Japan in the technopunk future of amazing and embarrassing gadgets, and Australia in the Mad Maxian hellscape future after global nuclear war.

Yep. Sorry we didn't warn you about 9/11.

[DirtyRed]

Yep. Sorry we didn't warn you about 9/11.

I understand. If you warn us about 9/11, it doesn't happen, which means the War on Terror doesn't happen, which means Bush is MUCH more popular as President, which means Obama doesn't win, which means he isn't a fuck up twat for 8 years, which means there isn't a wave of anti-left, anti-democrat, anti-logical-though sentiment for Trump to ride, which means Trump isn't elected, which means he doesn't start WWIII, which means the post-apocalyptic hellscape future timeline wherein Australia exists ceases to exist entirely, which means Australia isn't there to warn us about 9/11, which causes a space-time paradox that would destroy the very fabric of the universe.

Also, spacing on the Volume Day update is new for me. I blame the imbecility of everyone in the gym becoming contagious. I would like to sincerely apologize for insinuating in these past posts that the laypeople had pulled their heads out of their ass in the spirit of almost kind of actually lifting, such that they threatened to evolve beyond their very humanity and become a species of pure swollertrophy. I was wrong. Even last week's Golf Clap of the Week girl was going full retard by using a Kettlebell for literally any reason (Boner Status: FLACCID).

It was also Bring a Dipshit To Workout Day, apparently, and a group of 3 high school, second string WR looking dipshits overachieved. They started by using the squat rack I usually use to do half rep curls with just the goddamn bar. After a few sets of this, one of the idiots loaded up LMAO2PLAYT to half squat it while looking at the ceiling. And there the 2PLAET remained until I left, two and a half hours later. Later, they could be observed taking turns doing half rep chin ups on the rack'n'platform in one thing kind of seen here, while another of the group (what do you call a group of such fools? A "buffoon" of scrubs?) did PUSHUPS ON THE PLATFORM. The mind boggles.

When I go back to reflect upon who gets the prestigious Dipshit of the Year award, these dipshits are certainly going to be in the running. The World Lightweight Dipshit Trios Champions.

The actual work out went well, but that's not as fun to type about.

Volume Day 3.3
Squats: 5x5 445 lbs
Bench (paused): 5x5 245 lbs
Speed Deadlifts: 3x3 325 lbs
Dips: 5x5 22ish lbs added

[Sean Herbison]

The actual work out went well, but that's not as fun to type about.

Or as fun to read. Except your squats; they're alright.

[DirtyRed]

I clearly remember getting home from Light Day, thinking to myself, "THIS time I'm not going to forget to update the goddamn log!" I clearly remember sitting down and beginning to type up the update, and then I have no fucking clue what happened. This is going beyond Possible Brain Injury and into Possible Schizophrenia. Like, Michael the Kind sat down to write a thoughtful, concise, and material update to his log, then the moon hit his eye just right and DirtyRed The Maladjusted took over and went to aggressively shitpost on E&P and the 4chinz. Michael later woke up, shirtless, on the floor, with a browser full of spyware and an inbox full of hate mail, questioning just what the hell "he" did last night.

Light Day 3.3
Squats: 2x5 315 lbs
Standing Press: 3x5 165 lbs
Chin Ups: 3x8

Intensity Day went well. Dipshit of the Week DEFINITELY goes to the Twitlord Trio from Monday. If there is a god (which there probably isn't), they all left the gym, walked straight into traffic, and were promptly killed.

Intensity Day 3.3
Squats: 5x1 555 lbs
Bench (paused): 5x1 290 lbs
Deadlift: 3x1 505 lbs

[DirtyRed]

Due to a whole lot of minor nonsense happening that mostly just took time, I wasn't able (read: couldn't be assed) to update on Monday.

That knee/quadriceps pain was back. I hate everything. It didn't ache at all on Light Day, so we'll see how it goes on Intensity Day and reevaluate my hatred of everything then. The volume bench was, I believe, the heaviest I've gotten a full 5x5 with when pausing every rep, so that's apparently progress.

Volume Day 3.4
Squats: 5x5 450 lbs
Bench (paused): 5x5 250 lbs
Speed Deadlift: 3x3 330 lbs
Dips: 5x5 27 lbs added.

Light Day 3.4
Squats: 2x5 315 lbs
Standing Press: 3x5 170 lbs
Chin Ups: 3x8