Joined a new gym last night. Hilarious

[Ello]

I would be pissed and confused if I went to use a bar and it was covered in Jergens.

LOL...I couldn't stop laughing at this comment. I can just imagine you going to grip the bar and bursting out in disbelief: "What the fuck is this shit right here?!"

[Ello]

Barbell loaded with 135 lbs on the traps with a foam cover. 10 reps of shitty high squat and then...wait for it...jump up and down like a goddamn fool. Fuck dem knee joints, fuck em' good.

I don't believe this stupidity is possible...

Footage is needed for verification.

[Ello]

Alright guys, I have a LOT to report on my latest gym session. In fact, I have 2 pages of handwritten notes in my workout journal. I'll be assigning these people a handle for easier reference.



Army Douchebags - There are 3 150lb army-shirt wearing douchebags doing partial barbell curls with 25# plates on each side. So, I set my bag right behind them and just stood and watched with my arms crossed. Apparently they got the point because they were done about 2 minutes later.



Real Deal Holyfield - While i'm doing my squats, a guy walks in wearing a t-shirt that has the name of his old town and under that it says "Wrestling" in bold letters. You could immediately tell this guy knew what the hell he was doing when he walked in.

He probably only weighed 165lbs or so. He loaded up the barbell behind me with 135 and proceeded to clean and press it with perfect form and ease. He eventually worked his way up to 225. The cool thing about it was he was pressing it without even splitting his feet.

Afterwards he loaded up 135 again and started doing sets of Snatch. He had perfect form and his feet never even moved while doing it. He was damn strong. I considered asking him to help me out with learning the PC, but I figured i'd wait to see if he kept showing up at similar times before I did.

Army Douchebags: Bros have to do their curls in a squat rack. You must've missed the memo.

Real Deal Holyfield: So, this gym isn't all bad?! There is hope...

[simonsky]

just got home from the gym, here are my notes:

1. there's only 1 squat rack and i am the only who "squats" in the gym so i was shocked when i saw someone squatting. didnt see his depth or whether he did high bar or low bar. so what's the fuss? he's the guy always working out near my area and looking at me in awe when i squat. he didnt squat before, so im glad i influenced one of their half benching species although i didnt know if he did it correctly.

2. i press in the squat rack and i forgot to unload the barbell after, then a guy who saw me squat earlier went in there and squatted my press weight of 88. to his defense it was for 20 reps... unfortunately he looked like a duck, half squatting , high bar, with closer than shoulder width stance leaning to the left. just imagine, thank you...

3. i would like to thank their species because they helped a lot in my cleans. on me warm ups they were already noticing me for the noise im making because i dont pin the weights on warm ups. when i got to my work set, i used the big plates for proper bar height( im using metal plates) and to also give that strong big plate user illusion.

i used two 50 lb plates plus the crappy 15lb 3rd world country bar on my work set of 115 for the clean. as i did them, they started crowding me. some were in awe, some were scared. all in all i like the attention and i thrived of it and helped pop the barbell onto my shoulders. boosted my pride also, although they are "false-praise" coming from their species

i would like to also give props to one guy who "seems" to know weightlifting and powerlifting, when i squatted a week ago he asked me if i am a powerlifter, and earlier he seemed to forgot that he met me last week and after my cleans he asked me if i am a weightlifter. lol what the fuck.e gym so i was shocked when i saw someone

[jameson]

FWIW, the Bowflex makes a good hat and coat rack...

That thing looked like it could eat me; I wasn't going anywhere near it.

I'd be interested to hear how you responded, whether you tried to explain anything to him about why Bowflex is dumb, etc. This sounds interesting.

I took the easy way out; it wasn't worth my time. Sorry to disappoint, but the salesman looked like the big kid in school that the football coach wanted but who instead joined the chess club.

[cms]

The gym I joined recently isn't all bad. It's $10/mo, and about a 5 min walk from my house. Since I have no car, it works out perfect.

However, it is full of Boston north end "Guidos" (not as bad as the Jersey shore kind, but pretty douchey). The kind with ridiculous fake tans in the middle of January, spiked greasy hair, who do nothing but curls while staring at themselves in the mirror.

There are 2 squat racks and a smith machine between them on the basement level. They're the slanted, step style racks (not sure what the proper name for those is), and the one on the left has the top pins missing. I'm too tall to use that one properly, but often it's the only one available. Also, I think the floor is uneven. When I put the bar down on the floor to deadlift or power clean, it always rolls on one side in some direction.

When the squat racks are in use it's always some kids doing bicep curls. There's a gang of 4 kids, high school aged, all with mohawks (when did these come back in style I see them everywhere now), who take turns doing bicep curls and barbell shrugs on the racks, and it makes me mental as I have to wait 20 minutes for these nudnicks to move on.

There are no platforms or bumper plates. So far this hasn't been an issue for cleans, but I'm the only guy at this gym who does them; never seen anyone else try. I'm still a fat weak guy, though, so with my low weights I'm able to clean then drop it down controlled with out loud noise.

Last week the janitor yelled at me for using chalk. I didn't see a "no chalk" rule anywhere, so I just shrugged and said "Sorry!" and continued to do my thing. I do my best to keep it off the floor but somehow it always seems to leave a small dusting. Whatever, guy has a mop, that's his job. I don't see why a little chalk is such a big deal but all the salt and mud and slush from the street outside that gets tracked in is ok.

There is one other guy there who squats proper, and he mixes up wide stance and narrow stance squats. He claims the narrow stance helps him strengthen his hip drive more than the wide stance. This guy has cannonball shoulders, is probably 5'8", and he said he weighs 185 and is a "hard gainer". The other day he asked me to spot him as he squatted 4 plates on each side, saying not to touch the bar unless he stops on the way up. So, guy knows what he's doing.

Lately this guy has sorta been encouraging me, I told him my short term goal was a 225 squat. He saw me last time trying 210, and said "Awesome man, once you get over 200 225 will be easy. Just gotta push them out." Unfortunately, it hasn't been easy!

[Rorschach]

Well today was a great session, despite not having much for breakfast and feeling shakey by the end.

Found out one of their trainers teaches olympic lifts, so asked for a bit of coaching on the powerclean, which has never felt right.
He asked me if I was doing any kind of system, and when I mentioned Starting Strength, he couldn't praise it enough. Told me to get Practical Programming which I haven't got round to getting yet, then we discussed the relative merits of my adistars with his chucks.
Good coaching too, I'm a lot happier with my powercleans now.

Then, when I carried on with the rest of my training, I asked to cut in with a guy doing OHPs. Got chatting, and he's also doing SS and loving it.
Oh, and the guy in the other rack was doing squats with great form.

There were still the standard bunch of guys doing various silly types of curls, but today has brought back my faith in humanity.

[JCavin]

Well today was a great session, despite not having much for breakfast and feeling shakey by the end.

Found out one of their trainers teaches olympic lifts, so asked for a bit of coaching on the powerclean, which has never felt right.
He asked me if I was doing any kind of system, and when I mentioned Starting Strength, he couldn't praise it enough. Told me to get Practical Programming which I haven't got round to getting yet, then we discussed the relative merits of my adistars with his chucks.
Good coaching too, I'm a lot happier with my powercleans now.

Then, when I carried on with the rest of my training, I asked to cut in with a guy doing OHPs. Got chatting, and he's also doing SS and loving it.
Oh, and the guy in the other rack was doing squats with great form.

There were still the standard bunch of guys doing various silly types of curls, but today has brought back my faith in humanity.

Buzzkillington...

[Tim Lofton]

@cms - Have you looked to see if the bar is bent?

cms sez, " When I put the bar down on the floor to deadlift or power clean, it always rolls on one side in some direction."

[Marotta]

This morning I was told I need protection for my balls when deadlifting. I just nodded and walked away.