"Significant Other" Training

[StirlingM]

Hello Everyone,

I've recently found myself facing a bit of a conundrum, and since I figure that a few of you have probably found yourselves in a similar situation I thought that I'd throw this out to board - provided that it's okay with Rip.

Here's the deal, I've recently made myself a new lady friend. We're getting along great (thanks for asking ) but I've run into a small issue. Basically, she's not too athletically inclined and while this itself doesn't bother me much I think that she'd really benefit from a bit of training. She could afford to drop a couple pounds - but heck, who couldn't, so that's not the issue. Rather, her diet's crap and this in combination with her not being in the best shape leaves her feeling pretty worn out and beat at the end of a hectic day. My thinking is that if she were to clean up her diet and train a bit she'd just feel a lot better.

But, just ragging/nagging her, or otherwise trying to goad her into it A) wouldn't work and B) would be inappropriate, if not flat out wrong - we all hate people who do this and damned if I'm gonna treat her that way.

So I was wondering if any of you had any advice/personal experience to offer me here? Any counsel you folks might have to offer would be gladly received.

[Mark Rippetoe]

I'll leave this to more gentle souls...

[Blue_Steel]

It's a situation prone for disaster. The best way to try and influence her towards an active life style and a worthwhile barbell program would be by emphasizing the health benefits that a program like Rippetoe's would bring. Avoid anything related to body image or anything directly about your significant other's weight. You're walking on egg shells with this, and one wrong move can seriously cripple or end your relationship.
The best way to handle the situation would be to lead by example. I was in this same exact situation not too long ago - my girlfriend's squat is now up to twice her bodyweight and her deadlift draws the attention of every machine circuit rat in the area.
Has she ever been active, or involved in any sports programs? That's how I got my girlfriend involved with barbell training. She had been inactive for a couple of years and replaced it with cigarette smoking. I got her to kick the habit, and to avoid gaining weight, I suggested we start swimming laps together. We did this for a few months, and eventually she became interested in lifting weights with me. I bought her copies of starting strength and practical programming, and I helped her with her form and she was starting out. 6 months later and now she's on an intermediate program (texas method), and she's stronger and more proud of herself than ever. And so am I - squatting makes a great ass even more impressive!
But in the end, I believe my circumstances all aligned correctly and that I'm a fortunate soul. Most others in this predicament are doomed for failure; most people are as stubborn about fitness and strength as they are about whatever religious dogma they prescribe to or which crook they vote into office. Just be patient, hope for the best, but don't be surprised if you end up finding yourself single.

[Albert987]

From my experiences, it's best to not bother at all. Maybe if she sees the progress you make, she'll automatically be motivated to eat good and stuff. Also from my experience, it's best not to workout with her at the gym. lol

[jep6095]

Stirling-dump her. Do it now. Don't let things go further. This "small" issue is actually huge. Just do it.

You walk through life different. She A) doesn't train and B) eats like crap. You A) train and B) eat like you are in training. You can tiptoe around the facts and try to get her to respect your lifestyle but at the heart of it, you don't respect hers....and shouldn't.

It's a sad fact that training hard makes it difficult to find S.O.'s with the same mentality.

[Gary Gibson]

Show her pictures of Crossfit chicks (who always manage to inspire me). Generally speaking, women who squat and deadlift more than bodyweight and who can do a few chin ups tend to have perfect bodies.

[Blairbob]

Stirling, this comes up a lot at the CF boards. I'd say the general consensus is don't do it. However, you are kind of in a damned if you do it and damned if you don't scenario. It's on your mind which means it probably won't go away-ever. Some of us are just physical animals.

If she expresses interest, you may be ok. It probably not be a good idea to work out with her at the same time as you may intimidate her.

You're right on both A&B and that will probably mean you won't get no lov'n either. If she was a former athlete it might work but I've noticed it never works amongst my non athletic/sports friends. It only works on those people who used to be into competitive sports.

You may try to casually talk about your diet or workouts but be extremely cautious of seeming like a jock. My friend and I can't even talk about working out or CF amongst our non-athletic friends before they start bitching about it or working out hard or even having the wod's named after girl's besides the Hero WOD's.

[Gwyn Brookes]

Training with an SO where one is the teacher and one the student is usually a relationship wrecker. But if you try it out you will know after one day whether this will be the case. Just be ready to give it up gracefully! A better option would be to give her the information and if there is someone else you trust to train her, refer her to them.

[BryanM]

The best way I can think of is to ask "Do you want to come to the gym with me and learn how to lift?" If she says yes, teach her Starting Strength or a variant. If she says no, ask her again later. Like in six months.

Diet is an entirely different flaming bridge of ruin and despair. The most you can do is be supportive, such as by not eating a gallon of delicious ice cream in front of her.

The essence of what I'm trying to convey here is to not make it into a Big Deal.

[ChrisRimby]

Lead by example. That's the only thing to do. Any other suggestion or hint, no matter how "soft" will seem like a criticism and she'll get upset or pissed.

I speak from experience, btw.