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Thread: Every Day Carry for My Wife

  1. #31
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    The best gun for your wife is the one she will carry. Mine was reluctant to carry a gun, so I took her to the range had her try several out, and she landed on the sig p365.

  2. #32
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    I have some important tips for you.
    The first thing to note is she’ll need several range session before she’s competent to protect herself with a firearm. Not talking hitting the range twice, I’m sure you know that but you’d be surprised how many people go out 2 or 3 times and call themselves trained enough.

    Second, right along with the importance of training; any weapon/carry technique combination you choose, she needs to prove it out with live fire training, minimum 6-8 range trips with that system so she’s proficient. Things like the trigger block Rip recommended or shooting a DA revolver or off-body carry like a purse, all can have a place and be used but everything can go to hell FAST if she’s not proficient in the draw-shoot process with that weapon system.

    Next I’ll mention revolvers, I tried my wife on a SP101 .357/38 (she’s early 30s, 5’3” 130lb), the double-action pull was too much for her, pulled shots completely off target at 3yds. Cocking the hammer was not at all easy for her either. She ended up with a G19 and it only took a couple weeks of working the slide and loading it and she became quite proficient with it, and she shot it well. Keep that in mind with a revolver. She moved to a smaller (still double stack) G26 and has an appendix carry rig, also how I carry. Tier 1 holsters, but there are several good brands. I’ll state right here that I’m a huge fan of chambered carry; this REQUIRES a quality holster AND through training.

    Another note, my wife needed some time and training to get used to holding firm enough to not induce a limp-wrist failure, on both the G19 and G26. Just another nod to the need for range time, no matter the weapon.

    Next I’ll offer weapon suggestions. Obviously you and I shoot Glocks and they’re great. Another option for smaller hands is the g43x and g48. Thinner, long grip for good recoil control. But these will recoil a little harsher than the larger d-stacks, smaller+lighter = more felt recoil. Working the slide should be just as easy (or hard) as for the 19 and 26. Sig’s 365 options could be great for her too, same thing, smaller/lighter so somewhat sharper recoil. S&W makes the EZ slide 380, made to be easy to work the slide, I have no firsthand experience.

    As far as laser grips, my opinion is don't bother. Get her a few range sessions and she’ll be able to hit center mass as 5yd without sights. The laser wont be visible in bright light and I’ve never seen one that stayed zeroed so just train irons and good stance/grip/sight/trigger fundamentals and she’ll do fine. Lasers for inexperienced people can create training scars, “where’s my little dot????”

    And for the love of money, DONT start her out training to shoot at 20 yards. I see that so much, they cant see their misses and are so focused on precision with no skills to back it up, just put the dam silhouette paper at 3 yds and start there. You can see if you missed 6” to the left and still learn to shoot. Move to 5 or 10 yards after she can burn down a threat 10 feet away.

    I wont get into caliber wars. 9mm is best, but I wont get into it, but 9mm is best, but I wont get into it. 380 is adequate. 22 mag isn't even horrible, just have a reliable system that both it and the shooter are proven in live fire and TRAIN. but 9mm is best…
    Anything much bigger than 9mm will have plenty of recoil for a inexperienced female shooter to have to train though.

    As far as training, I think diligent people can self-teach and self-assess if they put enough time and rounds in. But pro training is never a bad idea. Just remember to train the fundamentals they teach you long after you take the class. Don't just take a class and think of yourself as “trained”.

    Off-body carry has challenges (purse and backpack carry is “off-body”). The first thing is making damn sure no unauthorized people have access, esp. kids. Do NOT leave that bag anywhere. The second problem is deploying the weapon. If you can manage a belt+holster system it is better for speed, safety and efficiency. The gun/holster is always in the same spot.
    There’s a solution out there for you guys. May take time to find. Train.

  3. #33
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    Apr 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by VNV View Post
    And advertised as having the lowest bore-axis on the market. Less moment arm, less torque, less wrist stress, more accuracy.

    None of us like moment arms.
    I have become addicted to HK pistols (I am up to 15), they don't have the lowest bore axis in the world, but they are all amazing shooters!
    My main carry piece is the HK45 Compact.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarriorPoet_Maine View Post
    I have some important tips for you.
    The first thing to note is she’ll need several range session before she’s competent to protect herself with a firearm. Not talking hitting the range twice, I’m sure you know that but you’d be surprised how many people go out 2 or 3 times and call themselves trained enough.

    Second, right along with the importance of training; any weapon/carry technique combination you choose, she needs to prove it out with live fire training, minimum 6-8 range trips with that system so she’s proficient. Things like the trigger block Rip recommended or shooting a DA revolver or off-body carry like a purse, all can have a place and be used but everything can go to hell FAST if she’s not proficient in the draw-shoot process with that weapon system.

    Next I’ll mention revolvers, I tried my wife on a SP101 .357/38 (she’s early 30s, 5’3” 130lb), the double-action pull was too much for her, pulled shots completely off target at 3yds. Cocking the hammer was not at all easy for her either. She ended up with a G19 and it only took a couple weeks of working the slide and loading it and she became quite proficient with it, and she shot it well. Keep that in mind with a revolver. She moved to a smaller (still double stack) G26 and has an appendix carry rig, also how I carry. Tier 1 holsters, but there are several good brands. I’ll state right here that I’m a huge fan of chambered carry; this REQUIRES a quality holster AND through training.

    Another note, my wife needed some time and training to get used to holding firm enough to not induce a limp-wrist failure, on both the G19 and G26. Just another nod to the need for range time, no matter the weapon.

    Next I’ll offer weapon suggestions. Obviously you and I shoot Glocks and they’re great. Another option for smaller hands is the g43x and g48. Thinner, long grip for good recoil control. But these will recoil a little harsher than the larger d-stacks, smaller+lighter = more felt recoil. Working the slide should be just as easy (or hard) as for the 19 and 26. Sig’s 365 options could be great for her too, same thing, smaller/lighter so somewhat sharper recoil. S&W makes the EZ slide 380, made to be easy to work the slide, I have no firsthand experience.

    As far as laser grips, my opinion is don't bother. Get her a few range sessions and she’ll be able to hit center mass as 5yd without sights. The laser wont be visible in bright light and I’ve never seen one that stayed zeroed so just train irons and good stance/grip/sight/trigger fundamentals and she’ll do fine. Lasers for inexperienced people can create training scars, “where’s my little dot????”

    And for the love of money, DONT start her out training to shoot at 20 yards. I see that so much, they cant see their misses and are so focused on precision with no skills to back it up, just put the dam silhouette paper at 3 yds and start there. You can see if you missed 6” to the left and still learn to shoot. Move to 5 or 10 yards after she can burn down a threat 10 feet away.

    I wont get into caliber wars. 9mm is best, but I wont get into it, but 9mm is best, but I wont get into it. 380 is adequate. 22 mag isn't even horrible, just have a reliable system that both it and the shooter are proven in live fire and TRAIN. but 9mm is best…
    Anything much bigger than 9mm will have plenty of recoil for a inexperienced female shooter to have to train though.

    As far as training, I think diligent people can self-teach and self-assess if they put enough time and rounds in. But pro training is never a bad idea. Just remember to train the fundamentals they teach you long after you take the class. Don't just take a class and think of yourself as “trained”.

    Off-body carry has challenges (purse and backpack carry is “off-body”). The first thing is making damn sure no unauthorized people have access, esp. kids. Do NOT leave that bag anywhere. The second problem is deploying the weapon. If you can manage a belt+holster system it is better for speed, safety and efficiency. The gun/holster is always in the same spot.
    There’s a solution out there for you guys. May take time to find. Train.
    Great post!

  5. #35
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    Jul 2019
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    I want to thank everyone for their input. I can't respond to every post on here, but I assure you I'm reading it and digesting all the information given to me. You're a knowledgeable crowd and I really appreciate the different points of view. Thanks!

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frank_B View Post
    My wife has adamantly refused to carry a gun, let alone even mull the idea over or talk about it. Yesterday, she was in the parking lot of our local Kroger, about to walk in, when the mass shooting occurred. 13 victims. 1 killed. She was fine, but it shook her badly enough for us to finally begin the conversation last night. I recognize the importance of being able to carry, and while I carry, I am certainly not very knowledgeable about guns.

    I thought my Glock 9mm might be a good start for her, but I found out that she wasn't strong enough to pull the slide back. Any opinions on a good every day carry that she can put in her purse, have good stopping power, and not be technically complicated in the event of an emergency? I thought a .32 Hammerless might be a good start, but I am open to any suggestions.

    Maybe I should give her the Glock and tell her if she wants to use it she should start strength training? ;-)
    Sorry to hear about this. Really shitty situation and I hope she's okay mentally/emotionally. She's not too weak to rack the slide. She just doesn't know how to do it. She can fix that up in a few sessions with the pistol.

    Just a few quick thoughts from me. You'll get lots of advice to get something small that she can carry in her lady purse. That's great, but she won't be able to shoot something small well. Small guns are for good shooters. They are harder to shoot and handle than compact or full-size guns. I personally think a glock 48 or glock 43x or their equivalents (Sig P365 and M&P Shields) are the perfect subcompact carry gun for almost everybody. You can actually shoot and fight with them and they're easy to carry. They are also comfortable enough to be able to train with and take classes with.

    The Phlster Enigma is a great system for concealed carry, especially for women if they aren't wearing a belt and need to be able to carry comfortably and safely.

    Get her some training. This is absolutely the most important part. Puling the trigger is the simplest part of the situation. There are a lot of things that need to happen before puling the trigger produces the desired result and these things NEVER line up at the time they need to line up on accident.

    She needs to go to a few classes if she's going to carry for the purposes of shooting someone. There are a few really good instructors out there who do remote coaching too. I can hook you up. Most of what she/anyone needs to do can be done in her house with no ammo.
    Last edited by Nick Delgadillo; 09-29-2021 at 11:37 AM.

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nick Delgadillo View Post
    Sorry to hear about this. Really shitty situation and I hope she's okay mentally/emotionally. She's not too weak to rack the slide. She just doesn't know how to do it. She can fix that up in a few sessions with the pistol.

    Just a few quick thoughts from me. You'll get lots of advice to get something small that she can carry in her lady purse. That's great, but she won't be able to shoot something small well. Small guns are for good shooters. They are harder to shoot and handle than compact or full-size guns. I personally think a glock 48 or glock 43x or their equivalents (Sig P365 and M&P Shields) are the perfect subcompact carry gun for almost everybody. You can actually shoot and fight with them and they're easy to carry. They are also comfortable enough to be able to train with and take classes with.

    The Phlster Enigma is a great system for concealed carry, especially for women if they aren't wearing a belt and need to be able to carry comfortably and safely.

    Get her some training. This is absolutely the most important part. Puling the trigger is the simplest part of the situation. There are a lot of things that need to happen before puling the trigger produces the desired result and these things NEVER line up at the time they need to line up on accident.

    She needs to go to a few classes if she's going to carry for the purposes of shooting someone. There are a few really good instructors out there who do remote coaching too. I can hook you up. Most of what she/anyone needs to do can be done in her house with no ammo.
    Thanks for the response, Nick. I appreciate the time and effort you put into it and I'll definitely keep what you (and everyone else) has written in mind. My wife is fine. I found out after writing my OP that she didn't witness anything or even hear anything because she was busy texting her friend in the car with the radio up when it all unfolded. Cue the scene from Die Hard when the limo driver is partying while the building turns into a war zone. She was still a little shaken up that night, but she's one of the most headstrong, resilient people I know. She was more or less over it the next day.

    Since I made my original post, we had to go to several gun shops to find someone who even seemed interesting in helping us. The local range was actually the most beneficial. We had customers helping us along with the very accommodating staff. One thing was abundantly clear: It's going to be a little while before we make a final decision on anything. She's from a country where guns are outlawed entirely. I don't even know if the police carry guns there? What I didn't realize, and didn't fully take into account, was how terrified of guns she is. It's honestly a little bit like trying to talk someone out of a phobia. This is a deep cultural barrier I'm crossing, and if I know anything at all about women, it's not to push them too hard. Well, at least my wife...

    She was, however, willing to hold a few revolvers, and I actually saw her grin a little bit when the guy behind the counter handed her an AK-47 and let her hold it. Actually, I think everyone in the store got a kick out of watching a 5'3", 105 pound Asian woman wielding an AK-47. I know I sure did. She seemed very timid around the revolvers... Like she expected it to go off in her hand. A different employee, a woman, ended up showing her a few smaller pistols with slides. One of them was a S&W M&P 380. She handled the slide very well on that and the compactness of it seemed to be perfect for her hands. They offered to let her shoot it, but she declined, citing she was "scared."

    So, we left it at that, and for now, I've offered to take a beginner's class with her. Hell, I won't be embarrassed to say that I should probably do that for myself anyway. We'll be going in two weeks. I think it's an 8 hour class with 7 hours classroom and 1 hour range time. If I have to take every class with her that's fine by me.

    Side note: If others want to use this discussion to trade ideas about guns, self-defense, etc., that's fine by me as long as the moderators are ok with it. I've learned a lot in the few short pages of this thread and hope to continue doing so. Thanks again everyone!

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frank_B View Post
    So, we left it at that, and for now, I've offered to take a beginner's class with her. Hell, I won't be embarrassed to say that I should probably do that for myself anyway. We'll be going in two weeks. I think it's an 8 hour class with 7 hours classroom and 1 hour range time. If I have to take every class with her that's fine by me.

    Side note: If others want to use this discussion to trade ideas about guns, self-defense, etc., that's fine by me as long as the moderators are ok with it. I've learned a lot in the few short pages of this thread and hope to continue doing so. Thanks again everyone!
    People always give the advice to buy "what feels good in her hands." But what the fuck would someone who's never fired or held a gun know about what feels good in the hands? And would could that possibly have to do with the ability to shoot the thing and hit what you want to hit? No frame of reference. Getting a few beginner classes in before buying a first gun isn't a terrible idea.

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frank_B View Post
    …saw her grin a little bit when the guy behind the counter handed her an AK-47 and let her hold it. …
    There’s a Lucy Liu inside of her.

  10. #40
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    starting strength coach development program
    The .380 options like that Smith or the G42 do benefit from a gentile recoil impulse. Very easy to shoot unlike an ultra-tiny 380 like an LCP, like Nick noted above, tiny guns hurt to shoot and are best for experienced shooters with good hand strength. A .380 in that size range will be easy to train her on, unfortunately not as cheap to shoot as 9mm.
    Also, since she's new and a little timid, find someone or a range that has a semi auto .22lr pistol, I personally like the ruger mark III and IV lines but any will do the trick. This will get her used to pistol shooting and build comfort and confidence before trying harder-recoiling pistols. I have taught dozens of new shooters and my Ruger MkIII 22/45 is often what I start with.... esp. with a can on it! But that's not a complete necessity.

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