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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mark Rippetoe View Post
    Works just fine, until he hits you in the mouth. You have to be prepared for the consequences of "Fuck off", and that's the part the OP lacks.
    Everybody's got a plan until they get punched in the mouth.
    OP, how many times did you get beaten up?

  2. #12
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    Thanks for the replies, everyone. Lots of good points in there.

    Jovan, I've never gotten beaten up. Had a fist fight in high school that was basically a draw - even though he had a few inches of height on me.

    The problem seems to be narrowly focused on the social area and not limited to people who could challenge me physically. In other areas I show more strength: cold showers during the week, not missing lifting sessions without good reason and volunteering as a first responder.

    It's tough to admit, but I'm a phony. I pretend to be okay with getting slighted to avoid conflict, but it's actually a form of lying.

  3. #13
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    Sign up for Jiu Jitsu. Go three days a week for at least six months.

    You'll learn that most untrained people are nearly helpless. You'll then become less helpless. And you'll soon be able to handle yourself against the majority of untrained people, which is the majority of people.

    The process will teach you how physically vulnerable you truly are (it's more than you think) and it will make you less vulnerable. This will calm you down and others will respond to your calmer presence. If they don't, you'll be less worried about it -- although you'll know better than to welcome physical conflict with a stranger.

    Also, don't miss any workouts. Physical size changes people's perception of you at a subconscious level.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ray Gillenwater View Post
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    Also, don't miss any workouts. Physical size changes people's perception of you at a subconscious level.
    I have found this to be true. Assholes will find someone smaller in the vicinity to be an asshole to when you outweigh them by 30-40 lbs.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BareSteel View Post
    The Mental Toughness article by Mark Chidley was recently reposted and the story about the bullied woman resonated with me.

    Lately, it seems like everywhere I go, I accrue disrespect from others, but I donít have the skills to verbally defend myself. Sometimes itís little things like someone with a rude tone of voice, but other times itís deliberate comments, criticisms or actions that cross the line. Sometimes a small conflict will trigger memories of past situations and at my worst this will even generate a physiological response.

    Itís hard to explain, but itís just like I donít have the self-defense reflex to show aggression. What good is a defanged tarantula or a declawed lion?

    Iíve read a few books on the topic and watched some videos, like this one from Jordan Peterson but I need more direct help.

    If you were in my situation, where would you start?

    Thank you,
    Itís been my experience that grown adults rarely make confrontational remarks to someone for no reason at all.

    Maybe if everyone has a problem with you, itís not them? Maybe itís how youíre interpreting everyone elseís actions towards you?

    I donít think you need to learn how to be aggressive. I think you need to learn how to not give a fuck what people say/think of you.

  6. #16
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    There comes an age where physical conflict over petty bullshit looks like this:
    You talkin' to me?

    For me, I think that age was about 17?

    Just stop putting yourself in situations that attract this trailer park, childish Idiocracy.

    How?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ray Gillenwater View Post

    Also, don't miss any workouts. Physical size changes people's perception of you at a subconscious level.
    Do an experiment. Drop your weight down below 175 lbs. Become a cardio freak. Make note of how other people treat you....men and women. Then, jack yourself up to a more appropriate weight via this program. I promise you, it will transform the world you live in.

    When you are "pretty damned strong" relative to most people, it has a calming effect on you that is mirrored in the world around you.

  7. #17
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    Aggressive action is not a learned response. It is a conditioned habit, and you can narrowly define your reactions. Things like martial arts and shooting will give you confidence by building and establishing competency in the things that make you dangerous. So does strength training. But these aren't aggressive action.

    Nearly a hundred years ago, the Marine Corps started down the path for stimulus shooting to where it is now. You are conditioned to shoot based on stimulus (what constitutes a threat or enemy combatant), and you are trained in shooting to be efficient and accurate. Marines are also constantly conditioned throughout boot camp for instantaneous action by moving from a position of attention to maximum output. This is present in everything you do. Even taking a piss. "Prepare to attack the head! Ready! MOVE!" Your response to the move command, regardless of the action is "KILL!"

    Anyone witnessing a Marine on boot leave has observed the effectiveness of the conditioning. NCOs, SNCOs and experience shape it and focus it in the fleet.

    You should train in many things, but you should make extreme, controlled aggression a habit for the appropriate stimuli. People calling you a pussy or picking a fight is not one. The appropriate response to that is to laugh at them and move on.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frank_B View Post

    I donít think you need to learn how to be aggressive. I think you need to learn how to not give a fuck what people say/think of you.
    Wisdom.

  9. #19
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    Something relatively simple to consider. Predators, which includes human criminals and their bear cousins, bullies, look for easy prey. Everyone displays a visible aspect to their surroundings in a nonverbal manner. This includes posture, eye gaze, and facial expression. If you walk with a slight stoop and look weak, with your neck bowed a little, and eyes down, you look easier to take advantage of.

    This may sound like something out of the Victorian era, but standing up straight with shoulders back, eyes front and moving around, combined with a confident stride send out a message too. The message is generally interpreted as "find another ground lug for my bullshit" by would-be predators of most types. Given that you mentioned most of your problems in this area are in social situations, this posture and a firm and direct gaze back at someone who decides to test their abilities to dominate you might well be the high inside pitch to back them off.

  10. #20
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    X2 with the bjj suggestion. I would also add boxing or Muay Thai to that as well, or instead. There is an over emphasis on respect in bjj that can fuck with some people (me included). I’ve been training for around ten years and can find myself looking at the ground while shaking someone’s hand because bowing and that shit is forced in some school. Either way bjj is great but the rudeness of boxing and Muay Thai is an excellent counterpoint to bjj in my opinion

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