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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mark E. Hurling View Post
    This may sound like something out of the Victorian era, but standing up straight with shoulders back, eyes front and moving around, combined with a confident stride send out a message too. The message is generally interpreted as "find another ground lug for my bullshit" by would-be predators of most types.
    He can't do that, Hurling. That's what the OP was about. He hasn't got your vast experience in Martial Arts, years on the force, and back-alley takedowns. Your telling him to can't make it happen.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mark Rippetoe View Post
    He can't do that, Hurling. That's what the OP was about. He hasn't got your vast experience in Martial Arts, years on the force, and back-alley takedowns. Your telling him to can't make it happen.
    I think confidence level is directly associated with one's squat and/or deadlift. I don't see how you get under 405 and not believe in yourself a little bit.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mark Rippetoe View Post
    He can't do that, Hurling. That's what the OP was about. He hasn't got your vast experience in Martial Arts, years on the force, and back-alley takedowns. Your telling him to can't make it happen.
    None of that is relevant or to the point. But thanks for the gratuitous snark. You get a gold star for your efforts lately.

    It takes none of those things to do what was talked about.

    How's that for a 5th grade reading level and not self referential?

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by BareSteel View Post
    Thanks for the replies, everyone. Lots of good points in there.

    Jovan, I've never gotten beaten up. Had a fist fight in high school that was basically a draw - even though he had a few inches of height on me.

    The problem seems to be narrowly focused on the social area and not limited to people who could challenge me physically. In other areas I show more strength: cold showers during the week, not missing lifting sessions without good reason and volunteering as a first responder.

    It's tough to admit, but I'm a phony. I pretend to be okay with getting slighted to avoid conflict, but it's actually a form of lying.
    While I agree with the advice to train contact sports, I asked you this question because I thought you never got beaten up. The thing about getting beaten up is that you realize what actual aggression really is, so you can perceive other people nagging or being disrespectful as a tiny problem.

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frank_B View Post
    I think confidence level is directly associated with one's squat and/or deadlift. I don't see how you get under 405 and not believe in yourself a little bit.
    I can squat 505, and for the longest time, I did not have high self-confidence or self-esteem. Getting my squat higher didn't fix it. Getting a purple belt in BJJ didn't fix it. Competing in combats sports didn't fix it. I think all of that made me more capable and happy, but I didn't think as aggressively as I do now (and even now, I'm not that aggressive).

    I'm not saying this is the solution for Baresteel, but getting my free testosterone from 10ng/dL to 30ng/dL and total testosterone from 250ng/dL to 1100ng/dL helped with that a lot. So, my point is that you can be strong and still have low self-esteem.
    Last edited by AndrewLewis; 12-05-2021 at 08:42 AM. Reason: units
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    OP you said your Testosterone was in the low end of the reference range, does that mean you have had it tested? What were the numbers?

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    There is nothing wrong in avoiding conflict BareSteel and it doesn't make you a phony. Most of us just keep our mouths shut and go about the rest of our day, even if it's just a snarky little cashier. Why make a big deal over some bullshit?

    But you do sound like your are over sensitive and it doesn't sound healthy. Maybe you should get tested, I'm not saying testosterone is the issue, I have no idea what is going on. But whatever it is, it's not normal.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by AndrewLewis View Post
    I can squat 505, and for the longest time, I did not have high self-confidence or self-esteem. Getting my squat higher didn't fix it. Getting a purple belt in BJJ didn't fix it. Competing in combats sports didn't fix it. I think all of that made me more capable and happy, but I didn't think as aggressively as I do now (and even now, I'm not that aggressive).

    I'm not saying this is the solution for Baresteel, but getting my free testosterone from 10pg/ml to 30pg/ml and total testosterone from 250ng/dl to 1100ng/dl helped with that a lot. So, my point is that you can be strong and still have low self-esteem.
    Exactly Andrew. I think I know where the OP is coming from and can also relate to what you said very much and unfortunately, it's not as easy as being bigger or stronger.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by AndrewLewis View Post
    I can squat 505, and for the longest time, I did not have high self-confidence or self-esteem. Getting my squat higher didn't fix it. Getting a purple belt in BJJ didn't fix it. Competing in combats sports didn't fix it. I think all of that made me more capable and happy, but I didn't think as aggressively as I do now (and even now, I'm not that aggressive).

    I'm not saying this is the solution for Baresteel, but getting my free testosterone from 10ng/dL to 30ng/dL and total testosterone from 250ng/dL to 1100ng/dL helped with that a lot. So, my point is that you can be strong and still have low self-esteem.
    I agree that getting my T fixed helped a lot too. I have a question for you, Andrew:

    What is your mental state when you are getting ready for your heavy lift? I get aggressive, and I can't help but wonder if it's the same sort of aggressiveness you and/or BareSteel are looking for? If I'm alone at home, I'll grunt, snort, and smack my shoes on the platform as I'm getting ready to lift. I keep it far more subdued around other people or at a gym, but I still try to maintain an "Attack" mindset and psyche myself up for it. I want to be careful in saying that I'm not acting like some alpha male, ass clown, putting on a show, but that I do approach the lift very aggressively... The heavier it is, or the more I'm not certain about it, the more I try to psyche myself up for it.

    It sounds ridiculous, but there is something primal about it that I think helps trigger some sort of small adrenaline release - a fight or flight response of sorts, I suppose?

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frank_B View Post
    What is your mental state when you are getting ready for your heavy lift? I get aggressive, and I can't help but wonder if it's the same sort of aggressiveness you and/or BareSteel are looking for? If I'm alone at home, I'll grunt, snort, and smack my shoes on the platform as I'm getting ready to lift. I keep it far more subdued around other people or at a gym, but I still try to maintain an "Attack" mindset and psyche myself up for it. I want to be careful in saying that I'm not acting like some alpha male, ass clown, putting on a show, but that I do approach the lift very aggressively... The heavier it is, or the more I'm not certain about it, the more I try to psyche myself up for it.

    It sounds ridiculous, but there is something primal about it that I think helps trigger some sort of small adrenaline release - a fight or flight response of sorts, I suppose?
    Where I've noticed it the most is that I stand up for myself more in the face of adversity that I would have previously been passive or conflict-adverse.

    It's not like a physical aggression. It's more like just being more assertive and self-confident.
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