General macro and diet advice

[Robert Santana]

What is your waistline?

You have a 125 kg deadlift that should really be 155 kg. If you are that terrified of hurting your back on the deadlift, then you need to hire a coach so you can get weight on it. The reason your fat:muscle ratio isn't where you want it to be is because your weight:strength ratio isn't where it should be. You don't fix that by diverting nutrients away from training and losing weight, you do that by fixing your lifts, getting them where they should be, then worrying about the fat after you've done that.

[Jovan Dragisic]

If you can take the time to read through this, Robert has written two excellent articles on the very topics that interest you:
The Skinny Fat Lifter | Robert Santana
The Skinny Fat Lifter, Part 2 | Robert Santana
I used to worry about the same things as you, now I worry about not increasing the deadlift past 170 kg too fast, as I can't seem to find a jacket that is not too tight in the back.

[wojciech]

What is your waistline?

You have a 125 kg deadlift that should really be 155 kg. If you are that terrified of hurting your back on the deadlift, then you need to hire a coach so you can get weight on it. The reason your fat:muscle ratio isn't where you want it to be is because your weight:strength ratio isn't where it should be. You don't fix that by diverting nutrients away from training and losing weight, you do that by fixing your lifts, getting them where they should be, then worrying about the fat after you've done that.

My waist is slightly over 40 inches. Since I've made this post, I improved my deadlift to around 140kg, with acceptable form. I'm mostly concerned if the 4000kcal I'm eating is too much and whether I should scale down a bit.

[Robert Santana]

Yes at this point you can probably get to 3500 and be fine. You don't need to lose but you shouldn't gain more. Just get those lifts up. 4 plate deadlift, 3 plate squat, 2 plate bench press, and 1 plate press for 5 are some starting points.