small. short. woman. lift.

[chibichibi]

Game last night, loss 6-4. I did okay but wasn't the difference maker...would have liked to have been. There were some good shots and nice plays but I've had sharper games. A chance for a 5 on 3 power play in the last few minutes of the game, erased by a penalty, then a penalty that put us on the defensive for the last few minutes. Team had a short bench, at least one guy was jet-lagged and sick, and they looked pretty gassed partway through the game (we had a power play and everyone seemed drained). The team I was playing for has a fair bit of skill -- they can really score -- but they do tend to take long shifts and I think that works against them.

It was a late game, so I ended having a very late dinner, then very late too bed so sleep was short. I think maybe about 5-5.5 hours or so. That amount used to be just fine on a regular basis many years ago but it's just not enough anymore. Not sure if it's because I'm older or because I do more now; maybe both.

Today's workout

Thought I'd see how squatting 150 felt today and go for one set. If it felt heavy, I was going to keep things dialed down and just stay with one set. Since I missed reps on the first couple of sets on the presses last time, I opted to stay with the previous weight; I made a similar decision with the power cleans, which didn't feel super sharp last time.

10 min on recumbent cycle, easy cycling, shoulder warmups with wooden dowel.

11-03-03 Squat (Barbell, Back) in SS Workout B
45 x 5 x 2
55 x 5
95 x 3 So far the warlike feel good...[should have been "warmup feels good" but the autocorrection was entertaining]
125 x 2 Nervous...but seems okay [was nervous that it was going to feel heavy]
150 x 5 Wrists flexed back.....back a little too flat... Still feels heavy...also again the weight dropped a bit to one side (right side)

11-03-03 Press (barbell) in SS Workout B45 x 5
50 x 5
55 x 3 Hey...pop the head thru! Lazy ass
60 x 1 Added to see if feeling the heavier weight would help...form felt good
68 x 5 Last rep a bit slow but went up; rep 3 a slight loss of balance and needed to correct. Prior to the lifts, while taking deep breaths to focus and centre I felt little dizzy, almost pass out dizzy. What is up with that?
68 x 5 Harder but bar path was inefficient (waggly). Last rep had to grunt it thru
68 x 5 Rep 1 turned the podcast back on (was wearing headphones and the bar hit the "play" button on my headphones). Distracting. But, the bar path was better this set. Last rep still req more effort to push thru.

11-03-03 Power Clean (barbell) in SS Workout B45 x 5
45 x 5
50 x 5
60 x 3
65 x 2 Trying chalk today
83 x 3 Man these feel heavy...
83 x 3 Decent and feel closer to crisp but still seem heavy
83 x 3 Slight right side dip of bar on 1, last one caught deeper than usual, paused, then pushed up...
83 x 3 Good set...wonder if I'm losing anything by not setting down on the floor last rep? (Normally catch it on the way down, walk it over to the rack to set it on the safety bars, which stick out from the squat rack. Setting it down might be a chance to practice non-lazy knees?
83 x 3 Noticed left leg splayed out farther than right but the rack seemed decent

Was feeling a little less time-stressed for some reason so I stretched a bit, then did a couple of sets of pullups plus some one-legged squats, which I haven't been doing for a while.

Pullups

bw x 5,1,1,1 (=5 in a row, then slight pauses to about 8 at which point I stopped because I couldn't go as high [forehead slightly above bar instead of head well over].
bw x 4, 1, 1, 1, 1 (last 4 as singles with slight pause...last one was probably about level with the bar so I lowered myself slowly.

One-legged squats
bw x 10 x 2 each leg (done while resting for the pullups). Some were done standing on a stretching mat. The first set was more unstable than the 2nd set. Left hip is a bit sore...been noticing that a bit lately. Not a big deal, just slightly sore.

Decided to stop there. More in the tank, but didn't want to use it all up.

So generally a conservative workout. No progress, but progress.

I'm reasonably happy with form. Still feeling fatigued although I think I'm much better and could have pushed more, but it's the first week of playoffs for my co-ed team and I don't want to be fried tomorrow.

[chibichibi]

Maybe I'll log my food a bit here, too. But man, so much logging.

Postworkout, in the lobby of the community centre, about 110ish grams of roast mutton plus about 160 g of kabocha squash, chased with some digestive enzyme tablets (betaine HCl and ox bile, mmmmm....). Had more or less the same thing before leaving for the gym, too, except with a few other things and a pile of blueberries (about 100 g), plus a single shot espresso with coconut milk. Single shot of espresso on my way home, too.

Don't worry, it's not the only thing I'll eat today.

Oh yeah, I also remember: I stuck some BCAAs in my workout water and some electrolyte mix and drank that. I do this sometimes but not religiously. Not a fan of sucralose and other artificial sweeteners, but am always curious about stuff that might be helpful.

C

[chibichibi]

Yeah, okay, maybe. I love eating, likes my food, but have a love-hate relationship with it as a time-suck. Think about food, find food, prepare food, eat food, clean up after eating and preparing food, possibly log food, worry I haven't eaten enough food. The food sensitivities thing also adds to the time-suck aspect of food, too. And while I'm not afraid of scale weight increases, I don't really like getting pudgier and am somewhat curious about getting leaner.

w/respect to leanness:

Basically I'd like to know if I can get leaner without crazy efforts to get and stay there, but am happy enough with my body that that if I saw performance losses and immune system downturns I'd opt to stay where I am.

Last DXA scan I had I think I was @ 24.9% bf; am curious what I'd feel like at say, 17 to 19%.

Not interested in getting "ripped", tho. I saw a photo of myself once after a stint on the "breakup diet" (@107 pounds, 37/38 years old?). The loss of subcutaneous fat as a woman gets older can make for a really harsh look. For me, anyways. As in, yuck, did I ever look haggard.

And if at lower bodyfat levels, i were to end up looking (and wanting to look) like one of those scary gym women, the ropey ones with the better than youthful figures, paper thin skin and the slight out of season tan, I'd want my boyfriend to slap me upside the head and force feed me sardines with a hefty side of olive oil. Or mackerel. Actually, definitely mackerel. With rice rolls fried in coconut oil and a side of some yummy vegetable. Followed a big slice of gluten free blueberry pie and coconut milk ice cream and a hefty hunk of largely sedentary laying about, preferably after a hockey game -- played or watched.

w/respect to weight
rolling average is about 113.5 lbs at the moment...same as it was when I started all this. So probably no wonder I'm hitting an asymptote.

Am somewhat conflicted because I'd like to know how much more I can lift while still staying the same weight -- this is an ego thing.

I'm not averse to gaining a few pounds -- I've been heavier and haven't felt *that* much different, but really, as I said, not interested in getting fatter.

Especially because that might mean I'd want to consider restricting calories in the future, which I just hate. I don't diet. Well, don't like the idea of running on restricted calories for any more than a day or two at a time, and really, I just like the idea of eating as I like. I play with my food; I change what I eat and maybe manipulate timing and stuff a bit to see what happens, but I hate hate hate the idea of depriving myself of calories, or being regimented with respect to what I eat and how much of it eat. I can weigh and measure, but when I do it, I like to do it to track and make sure I hit targets, not restrict.

I was borderline anorexic when I was about 13...eating disordered for a number of years after that esp under stress, better now but obviously still somewhat obsessive generally.

hockey's on tv. enough babbling for now...

[chibichibi]

before working out: leftover roast mutton, kabocha squash, frozen blueberries
post lifting: leftover roast mutton, kabocha
tide me over: can of water packed sardines with a drizzle of olive oil, fish sauce, worcestershire sauce
late dinner: lamb steak (about 275 g of edible stuff, including fat and marrow), asparagus, yam, kim chee
random gnoshes: a few dark chocolate chips, some stray grapes, 2 coconut milk macchiatos (single shot espressos topped with some steamed coconut milk), espresso, various herbal teas

took some digestive enzymes with at least the last and post-workout meals...am playing with them to see if they might help me make the most of whatever I eat, particularly protein (maybe it will help all that meat go a little further)

estimated intake

2093 cal (estimated need to cover activity: 1861)
105 g carb [20% calories]
174 g protein [33% calories] (rarely hit this high but I guess the lamb and mutton were pretty dense protein sources)
108 g fat [47% calories / 53 g saturated fat]

note: the numbers seem more exact than they are...weighed some stuff but not everything and the numbers come out of a food logging program I use, plus I now remember didn't include the olive oil and the coconut oil used when frying up the lamb steaks

I'm reasonably good at eyeballing, though, and the times when I've done stints of consistent logging it's turned out that the estimates of food intake and energy expenditure seem to line up pretty well (most of the times I've measured I've been tracking rather than trying to restrict or eat in a surplus). And the rolling average for my weight has been stable during these periods, too. Wasn't taking digestive enzymes, tho.

The lining up of estimated intake and expenditure surprises me because I think the calorie estimates for various activities are far from perfect and it's not really clear which choices are most appropriate. For instance, there are no calorie estimates for goaltending, but there are for ice hockey (which I assume refers to skating out) , so that's what I use, even tho they're not the same activity by any means.

Anyway, I'm not going to list an exhaustive list of all my food all the time. But I'll do a bit to give a bit of an idea of what I'm up to.

My basic plan right now is to try harder to eat a little more on lifting days -- more effort to eat carbs + protein on lifting days, particularly after the workout -- but not sweat pushing the surplus too much on non-lifting days. Unless I feel like it. I'll try to hit the protein target (1 gram per pound bw), but just try to eat intuitively otherwise.

Am thinking about how much I should try to carb up after games -- probably isn't necessary much of the time, but sometimes the games and shinny are pretty strenuous. Because it seems much harder to eat a lot of carbohydrates when you're grabbing the carbs from non-grain, non-sugary sources, I'm guessing my glycogen pool doesn't get filled as often or with as much stuff, so that's something to think about.

[chibichibi]

Okay, quick recap of activities between workouts:

Friday

Hockey; co-ed league game.

First "playoff" game, although not a super-important game because there are only 4 teams in our division and the first round of 3 games is just a round robin to determine who plays which team in the 2nd round. We lost by a goal...last goal was kind of dumb because it was a wraparound attempt I saw coming. Normally I'm pretty good on the post, but I fell backwards on this one and the puck went in. Again, I've been having issues with less than adequate sleep and fatigue was definitely a factor in this game.

I sometimes use self-hypnosis recordings as a nap substitute. This is because I can't settle down for pre-game naps very well, but listening to the recordings seem to function as well, or even better than naps for me: it's rather remarkable how refreshed I feel after a session. However, there is only so much you can do about energy you don't have.

Saturday


Tried to sleep in a bit.

2 hour Bartitsu class in the afternoon. Shin-kicking and ju-jitsu throws. Funny how satisfying it is -- that sound and thunk people make when they hit the ground. At least when you're practicing and not really hurting them.

Afterward: a massive "cheat" meal at this raw vegan organic place I like. I say it's a cheat meal because I don't have a good idea of what kind of protein I'm getting with the meal, even though a lot of folks would probably count this as a healthy and virtuous meal. I like the food -- kind of crave it -- but I always worry I'm skimping on the protein. Can't argue with the goodness of eating lots of veg, tho. A few iffy items for me: some walnuts as a garnish, buckwheat in the raw vegan "pizza" crust (I can eat buckwheat, but it's a pseudo-grain). Dishes: zucchini "linguini" with pesto, a pesto "pizza" (basically a dehydrated cracker), and a big glass of blenderized kale, strawberries, apple, and coconut oil.

I got a ride back home from my bf afterward...was waiting in a coffee shop with a rooibos tea and realized I was really, really exhausted. Like, if it weren't a public place, I'd curl up in the coffee shop armchairs and go to sleep right there.

Got home, packed gear, and maybe had time for a 20 minute stint of lying down listening another self-hypnosis tape before leaving for shinny.

Hockey. Played 1.5 hours. Goal. Fast game. Absolutely wrung out at the end of it -- at one point, after letting in a goal, I lay there for a moment just enjoying the fantasy of taking a nap. Playing was really fun, as was getting that kind of exhausted, but it pretty much confirmed for me that I hadn't been playing on a full tank.

Sunday

No workout. Felt like I was getting sick.

Was originally thinking about working out but given the fatigue on Friday and Saturday, decided to take it easy today instead.

Was really, really wiped late in the day...was getting a niggling sore throat on and off all day, and felt super-exhausted. Wondered if I was coming down with something new.

Also: ate decently, but ate an egg. I am a sucker for free: it was a free add-on to a dish I was ordering. Ordering the egg led to a mixup in my order, so I bit into some free-range chicken in my curry thinking it was pork. I have a food intolerance to chicken, but it's been a while since I've tested the meat so I think I should probably test it again sometime. Normally I don't miss it but that little exposure reminded me that it has its pleasures...it would be nice to have it back, at least for a treat once in a while. Like eggs. Although it would be nice not to have to worry about chicken at all.

Felt a bit inflamed and sniffy afterward, but didn't say anything because I had told my bf he could make fun of me if I got symptoms as a result of cheating with eggs again.

[chibichibi]

Rode my bike to the gym. Intended to get to the gym earlier, but managed to get there just before the rush. Stopped in a coffee shop, had an espresso and a small bit of roasted butternut squash.

All the racks were taken up with people doing interesting combination workouts.

I did some stretching and mobility work waiting for the racks, but no-one was budging, so I decided to start with the bench presses.

Bench Press (dumbbell)
74 x 5 x 3 On set 2, I noted that the left side seemed a little slower and weaker...there was a gradual creep of slowness thru reps so I rested a little longer before the last set

Squat
Plan: do 3 sets @ 150 if I felt good on the first set
150 x 5 Seemed good... Dunno about light but not really heavy either
150 x 5 Mantra: Knees out butt tight drive up
150 x 5 Good set I think ... Last rep a little slower

Deadlift
175 x 5 Hey these felt pretty good

Chinups
bw x 7 (rep 8 only got to face level)
bw x 6 (rep 7 face to bar)

Dips
bw x 10 x 2

One-legged squats
bw x 10 x 2, each leg - am feeling much more stable than last time

Thought about doing 3 sets but I was feeling a little wobbly by this time, and didn't want to push it.

some stretches to work on hip mobility, reinforce the splits and reaching out to either side when in the splits

ate some more butternut squash, rode home.

Eventual dinner was ground pork/sausage/green beans/sweet potato in a big mashup. My guess is slightly less than a 1/2 lb of pork (before cooking), and 2 sausages @ about 16 g of protein each.

Rest of the day was rounded out with some canned mackerel, leftovers (more sausage!) and other food but I can't remember it right now.

[chibichibi]

Skipped the workout today.

I've been trying to decide what to do about the lifting during our playoffs. I feel sort of run-down and fatigued these days and I know at least some of the goals I've let in lately seem to be fatigue-related.

Next game is Thursday night, which is tomorrow (well, today).

Threw the disc around with my partner's kid in the late afternoon. He's on the ultimate frisbee team for his school, so he's been wanting to practice throwing. I wanted to throw to work on my catching and visual tracking. When I first started playing goal (not so long ago), I was still playing ultimate, and at the time, I had a surprisingly good glove hand for a beginner. Since I've stopped, the glove hand has gone a little dormant, so I'm trying to wake it up.

Was kind of low energy when I started, but after running around a bit I felt zippier and a bit sprint-y. Based on this, I decided to just save the extra energy for tomorrow's game and lift Friday.

My thinking right now is that I'll be fairly conservative the next few weeks. I'll still try to progress, but prioritize my freshness for hockey over progress on the lifts. This week I'll just lift twice, next week 2 or 3 times depending on how I feel, and I'll decide what I'll do the week after when I get there. Might take the week off -- not sure yet. The games that really count for us are at the end of the month, so it's not a long stretch.

[f4thpathway]

Funny how satisfying it is -- that sound and thunk people make when they hit the ground.

That's "GRRRRRR" hot!

[chibichibi]

And not even a cat fight!

[chibichibi]

The problem deciding to have two workouts in a week is that if one blows up, you are left having done just one workout.

Anyway, whatever.

As I mentioned, I blew off my Wed workout in the hopes that I wouldn't be as fatigued for Thursday's game. It seemed to help -- felt much less run down, felt good during the game, and made a bunch of key saves even though I didn't get nearly as much work as the other goalie. The team and I managed to keep their highest scoring player (and the highest scoring player in our division) off the scoreboard, which is pretty cool since this particular guy gets something on the order of a hat trick a game. The posts were very good to me, too. Anyway, we won, and did a good job.

Then, the wrinkles.

Wrinkle 1. the league coordinator approaches me after the game to see if I might sub late Friday night for another team that has an injured goalie. I'd originally said I'd be on standby if they couldn't find someone else (wanted a night off and chance to focus on lifting), but I guess I was their best option at the time. The captain of the team is an old teammate of mine from a ways back. So I say yes, thinking maybe I could just do a very low volume workout early in the day at the same weights as last time.

Wrinkle 2.
Get home. It's late -- really late. About to respond to an email from the league coordinator who is beginning to worry about the possibility of injury, and that maybe I shouldn't play.

Bf checks facebook, and a friend has posted link about some earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Turns out the news about the tsunami and earthquake is news about the home prefectures of my mom and dad. My parents live over here, but they have siblings (and of course friends and other relatives) there. It's really late. They're normally in bed. I don't know if they know.

Can't call them because what are they going to do if they know? Stay up all night not being to contact their brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews and friends because all the phone lines are down? Watch the news feeds for way too long. Decide to get up early instead and call them in the morning. Write an email to the league coordinator to say I might have to go out of town if I think my parents need me physically present, but that I would be fine to play if I decided to stay in town. Said I'd let him know by noon.

Wrinkle 3. Realize after sending the email that that funny little tweak I felt near my tailbone near the end of the game was a pain that wasn't going away. A weird, snapping but somewhat diffuse pain between the small of my back and my tailbone. Go to sleep with a hotpack placed carefully under my butt. Wake up with the pain.

It's not a debilitating pain but it affects how I move. I can pretend to squat and if I'm really good at maintaining that lordotic arch, it doesn't hurt. How's that for a motivator?

Wrinkle 4. All this fussing over various things means I spend the afternoon and early evening trying to finish something I intended to get out early in the day.

Anyway, ultimately didn't leave town, didn't end up playing, didn't finish the project till late, didn't work out. The team in need eased me off the hook, which turned out to be good because I was still sitting on a hot pack at the end of the day.

Heard news of most of my relatives -- so far no bad news and the parents seem to be holding up.

As for eating, well, I wasn't being very good about it most of the day. Can o' water-packed sardines, dried coconut, dark chocolate, a few grapes, tahini, coconut milk, canned tuna...but really, just annoyed at being hungry and having to eat and getting irrational about it. Tried to make up for it at the end of the day by eating maybe three quarters of a pound of ground mutton (pre-cooked weight) and most of a can of anchovies. With vegetable matter. Didn't eat all the mutton grease, though. I don't mind saturated fat but it's a bit too much like candle wax.

And there goeth another day.