"Welcome to China!"

[Dunbar]

OW motherf***ing ow.

Lifting 80 kilos over your head from a crouched position and dropping it on cold hard ground is probably fun, but I wouldn't know. Because I weigh 80 kilos.

My spine is a mangled coat hanger you French prop bastard, but I'm still alive and lifting.

Allez La Chatte!

Nov 22, 2010
Squats: BARx2x5 40x1x5 55x1x5 70x1x5 92.5kgx3x5*
Bench: BARx2x5 35x1x5 45x1x5 60x1x5 77.5kgx3x5
Clean: BARx2x5 40kgx5x3...what. I've never done them before. I kept hitting myself in the neck. It was hilarious and painful.
Dsits: 16x1x11 16x1x9 16x1x8 (I'm trying to increase reps to 12 before upping the weight again, but to be honest, I don't really care that much about sit-ups)
BExts: 12x1x12 12x1x11 12x1x10 (what I said)

*Maybe it was crooked vertebrae, but my form was pretty wobbly on the last set. 80 gave me the eyebrow. Looks like I'll have to take it easy on Wednesday.

NiPR: Volcanic Chicken is a tough act to follow, not to mention the fact that match weekends always make my head not work good beer so much after.

But MazdaMatt has made a strong case!

It's time for bread stuffed with meat and other things...
韭菜包子.jpg
...like EGG AND MOTHERF***ING (green) ONION.

That's right; I'm taking it back.

Didn't old people used to eat this in sandwiches all the time? I don't see it much Stateside anymore, but in the Middle Kingdom it's pretty essential. My point? China and old Americans have good taste.

Just so there's no misunderstanding: I'm not questioning the succulence of pork Mazda. I never have and I never will. Over here, however, baozi-包子 (aka dim-sum) is one of the most inexpensive breakfast foods you can buy (three tennis-ball-sized baozi for 15 cents)...and prices like that make questions pop into my head.

FOR EXAMPLE! What's the cheapest part of the pig? The snout? The bit above the hoof? Crazy bits I've never even heard of (and never want to)? Suffice to say at 7:30 in the morning there are certain mysteries I'm none too keen to solve.

So I go with the egg and onion...and occasionally the beef and celery (probably just as bad BUT OH MY GOD IT TASTES LIKE TURKEY STUFFING! THE BEST PART OF THANKSGIVING! HOW CAN THAT NOT BE SAFE?).

...

In any case, I think we can all agree with MazdaMatt: plump, round, and succulent buns in the morning are something every man should have access to.

...well that and a whole lot of milk. GoFMMC!: 14

PS: They ask (IN CHINESE) if we need a fork here too...and thanks for the compliment. Compliments are awesome.

[Dunbar]

Sonuva..
...open...motherfu...
..bastar...I swear to G...
FINALLY!
I WIN CARTON! I WI-

oh.

right.

Sorry it's just these stupid Mutant Milk cartons. The size is convenient and the milk is Fresh like Smith. The carton, however, was deliberately designed to PISS ME OFF.

Well actually I guess I can't only blame the carton for my mood. Linear progress I think is finally hitting the first slow down stage. No more 5kg jumps for me.

Sigh.

Nov 24th, 2010
Squat: BARx2x5 40x1x5 55x1x5 67.5 94kgx3x5(and they weren't pretty)
Press: BARx2x5 27.5x1x5 35x1x5 42.5x1x5 51kgx3x5(neither were these; one more strike and it looks like i'll have to do the 10% drop)
Pull-ups: BWx1x12 BWx1x9 BWx1x7
DSits: 17x1x11 17x2x8
BExt: 13x3x10

NiPR: Well, slow down or no, it's about time I sang the praise of one of my personal favorite Sichuan dishes: Salt-Fried Pork (盐煎肉-yanjianrou)

yanjianrou.jpg
Holy Cats it's a f***in recipe!

half-pound pork (from the belly)
quarter pound leeks
peanut oil (a couple tablespoons full...like three)
1.5 tbs Sichuan chilli bean paste (dirt cheap in your local Asian foods aisle)
1.5 tbs fermented black beans (you can kind of see them in the picture - they don't taste fermented in case you're worried. They taste like soy sauce. Also should be in the food aisle)
1 tsp light soy sauce
.5 tsp sugar

Step 1: Cut the pork into little square flakes about the size of the top half of your thumb (see picture).

Step 2: Cut the green and sort of green parts of the leeks into in 1" diagonal tubes.

Step 3: Put 3 tbs of oil in the pan/wok and heat it up (medium flame) until it just starts to smoke (then turn it down a bit). While it's heating make sure every ingredient is in it's own little bowl so you can add it quickly because...

...FROM HERE ON IN YOU MUST MOVE LIKE LIGHTNING! (it will all be over soon)

Step 4: Add the pork and stir briskly for 3-4 min or until it starts to look like the picture THEN ADD a pinch of salt (a big pinch if you did not find the beans)

Step 5: Push the pork out of the oil and away from the hot part of the pan/wok. Add the beans and the paste into the oil and fry them for about 30 seconds.

Step 6: Add soy sauce, sugar and leeks and mix everything else together with them until the leeks look like those in the picture.

Step 7: FEAST ON DELICIOUS FOOD (perhaps you will want to add salt but I doubt it).

This usually takes me 15 minutes to prepare (5 min cooking time). For those of you wondering, this is pretty much protein, a bit of healthy fat, and green vegetables. Serve over rice if you want extra carbs. Anyway, I hope you get a chance to try it.

This recipe was blatantly stolen from Fuschia Dunlop's incredibly awesome Sichuan Cookery.

ADDED BONUS!: This dish make milk taste MUCH MORE FANTASTIC (even if it comes in a carton made by stupid people).

GoFMMC!: 16 HAPPY THANKSGIVING! (In China pork=turkey...well really pork=everything)

[hbriem]

As an obsessive lover of all things porky, as well as Chinese food, I appreciate your recipe.

I'll pretty much eat any part of the pig (even the snout) or in fact any animal. Apart from maybe, bones and hair and stuff, I really don't care. It's all meat man.

I cook Chinese a lot and love it. It's very quick and convenient and healthy. Even if I'm cooking Western, I'll very often have stir-fried veggies on the side. You can use more Western type spices in a stir fry if Asian flavours are not appropriate, but they're usually fine.

Good lifting, man.

[MazdaMatt]

PS: They ask (IN CHINESE) if we need a fork here too...

Haha... I love harmless racism.

Keep up the food log, good lifting progress - don't fear the 5lb (2.5kg) increases. Better to slow down too soon than too late.

[Dunbar]

First off a shout out to hbriem (who, if you look at his log - and you really should look at his log - knows what he's doing). Thanks for reading and the compliment, hbriem. If I see a recipe with snout I'll post it. I won't eat it though.

Speaking of knowing what he's doing, MazdaMatt, your advice is very sound and appreciate it being given. Still feel kind of like a little bitch though adding those dinky .5 kg plates, but it's not so bad because this weekend, you see,

...I PICKED UP A CHARGING 100kg SAMOAN AND DROPPED HIM ON THE DIRT. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. WHO'S THE BETE SAUVAGE<---(French) NOW?

...well to be fair I bounced off of him the first time I tried it and in theory with proper technique any size player can tackle another...
BUT STILL! The crowd went OOOH. He went CRUNCH and I was lik-

what?

right right...last Friday's(Nov 26, 2010) workout. Sorry.
Squat: BARx2x5 40x1x5 55x1x5 70x1x5 96kgx3x5
Bench: BARx2x5 35x1x5 50x1x5 62.5x1x5 80kgx3x5
Deadl: 60x1x5 75x1x5 87.5x1x5 95kgx1x5
DSit: 17x1x12 17x1x9 17x1x8
BExt: 14x3x10

This weekend's (MAGNIFICENT) defence aside, I do have to scale down my squat tomorrow (or maybe not add any weight). These squats were better than the last two times, but there was still a lot of uneven rising between the chest and the hip drive. Damn.

NiPR: 7-Elevens in Guangzhou (the ancient capitol of Canton China) suck balls (I know it's not cheerful, but it needed to be said). Their microwavable chicken and mushroom stew is a holocaust in plastic packaging and their milk (unfortunately they were the only stores that sold something other than the also vile boxed milk*) is composed of chalk and cow spit. Even their tea eggs were crap.

7-11.jpg
(a horrible, horrible place)

To be fair, the local rugby club pub had a relatively cheap and delicious Moroccan chicken burger, but I didn't digest it all because I was stupid and six pints of beer in 30 seconds on a full stomach is a lot harder than it looks.

*see first post

Yesterday I had to take a break from the Mutant Milk, but today I'm back in blue! GoFMMC!: 19

[JStrong]

I call BS on this log but I hope you continue because it's lol awesome.
--
Read it again, fan-fucking-tastic, bravo (clap, clap).

[Dunbar]

Every so often ex-pats here say they had a "China Day". China Days are f***ing terrible and I'm sorry to say that today was one of those days.
And Yes I KNOW these last few posts have been depressing, but sometimes man, sometimes the truth hurts...

What? No I'm not, I just had a little. Mr. Walker is a good friends of mine and I'll thank you kindly to leave him out of this.

Yeah yeah the log the log the looooogggg...

Nov 29, 2010
Squat: BARx2x5 40x1x5 57.5x1x5 72.5x1x5 97.5kgx3x5 (they STANK...cept for the last one...actually the last rep was pretty good)
Press: BARx2x5 27.5x1x5 35x1x5 42.5x1x5 52kgx2x5 52x1x4 (should've dropped it down like I said I would)
Chins: BWx1x11 BWx1x8 BWx1x7
DSits: 17x1x10 17x1x8 17x1x6 (found out that the gym mislabeled the dumbells I'd been using before so today was the first time I actually crunched 17kg. It was difficult.)
BExts: The extension machine thing was being repaired. Balls.

See SEE! It was a sucky suckfest of suck wasn't it? I knew you'd understand. You guys are...so...awesome. Well you and Johnny W. here.

Yesterday I wrote. "I'll have to take it easy tomorrow." ...but I felt so strong walking into the gym today I ignored my wise advice!

Something went wrong. Maybe eating 2kg of food and dairy just before lifting wasn't the best of plans...or maybe spewing my only big meal on Saturday and drinking half a gallon of chalk cow spit in Guangzhou caught up with me. In any case, this Wednesdy I'm defi-

Woah woah woah.

JStrong's calling BS?! JStrong?!

He's like the first poster I ever read (um...three weeks ago)! He called TTT a dick when he was being a dick! It was f***ing outstanding! Plus, like several of the other members of this forum who have read my posts for some reason, he really knows what he's doing (so go read his stuff).

Shit JStrong; you can't be calling BS on my numbers - they blow!

Oh. Right. China.

Fair enough. Besides, I DID tell Dastardly I would show some gym pictures and perhapzit'll help cheer me up (Johnny can only help so much you know).

Pour yourself one of your favorite glasses of whisky, JStrong, and light a cigar. Here comes the tiny picture show.

arnold!.jpg
The Hao Sunshine Fitness Center is located on the 5th floor of a building called the Music House. At night f***ing amazing looking women wearing really ridiculous outfits gather in the inner courtyard and feed like ravenous wolves on Sichuan street food. And yes, that is Arnold on the 4m-tall poster. They love him, but they can't say his name.

closest thing to a power rack.jpg
In this shot you can see the almost-but-not-quite-a-power rack and the heel correcting board they've placed under it that I have to use. Thanks to the strange design of this apparatus, the non-adjustable safety rails are actually too high for someone my height to do a full squat (I must stand on that tan elevated metal platform instead of the board). The rails and the board do, however, make the "strong" guys in the gym feel better about their overloaded half-squats. Also there's a mirror (annoying) directly in front of the "rack" so they can watch their faces turn red I guess...

You can't see the bench in the upper left-hand corner, but you can see at least some of the many bumper plates in the lifting area. All of the bumper plates weigh either 10, 15, 20, or 25kg and the smaller metal plates range from 5 all the way down to .25 kg. Yes, I'm not happy about the rack; I joined this gym because of price and because none of the others had this range of plates.

blurry shot of the dance room and barbells.jpg
This is a blurry shot of the rest of the gym (it's only got two rooms besides the changing rooms). At this moment in the non-lifting area, there are three middle-aged housewives practicing belly dancing to obscenely loud (no really - VERY F***ING LOUD) Turkish music. They do this every Monday for two hours. It's terrifying.

Photo 144.jpg
The front of my membership card which is specially designed for "foreign friends - 外国朋友" (I'm not the only foreigner who goes to this gym...and I'm pretty sure 80 can speak English, but I've never heard him).

It's good for six months and costs about $100.

Photo 145.jpg
The back of said card with the government stamp of approval and the address (written "addies") in Chinese.


Sorry for the blurriness but the only functioning cameras I have right now are the one on my broken nano and the one on my laptop.

In addition, the shots in the gym had to be taken quickly because people in China generally get really nervous/outright angry when you take pictures of normal everyday things likes stores and gyms and people.

JStrong, BS or no, thanks for the compliment, applause, and encouragement. On a day like today it was definitely appreciated.

What's that you say Mr. Walker? Oh don't you worry; I'll be right there...just let me finish my milk.

GoFMMC!: 20

[Dunbar]

Oh what?

You thought I was joking didn't you?

I wasn't.

Gentlemen and ladies.

I present to you Exhibit A:

Dec 1st, 2010
Squat: BARx1x5 40x1x5 57.5x1x5 72.5x1x5 97.5kgx3x5 (Yes, they were bad and yes I should've dropped. A while back just staying the same worked, but not this time. This Friday, 10%; I promise.)
Bench: BARx1x5 37.5x1x5 52.5x1x5 65x1x5 82kgx3x5
Clean: BARx2x5 42.5x5x3 (Cleaning every four workouts seems to mean that increases here will be DEPRESSINGLY SLOW...but it is the Wichita Falls program...I'm not sure what to do. Advice anyone?)
DSit: 17x1x10 17x1x8 17x1x7 (I gained a rep!)
BExt: THEY STILL HAVEN'T FIXED THE CHAIR STAND THING. OH MY GOD.

NiPR:
So I was sitting there in the changing room, trying not to have a conversation with a horribly friendly and totally naked overweight Chinese man when I started thinking,

"Why the hell has my bench gone up when pretty much EVERYTHING ELSE has sputtered recently?"

Then it slapped me in the face like an udder full of hormones:

It's the milk.

I am developing invisible breasts of chemical cow power thanks to my beloved Mutant Milk. Physical proportions have not changed (no uber-pecs or anything), but somewhere inside my chest, something is growing...

Will I become a superhero? Will I become a supervillain? Will I develop MOOBS OF STEEL(made in China)? WHAT WILL BECOME OF ME? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN???

It means I'm getting stronger, that's what it means. So fuck it. Pass me another stupidly-designed blue carton. GoFMMC!: 22

Bonus Picture (because everyone loves pictures)! Look! It's the streetside bbq near my place where I buy late-night dinner! Extra points if you can guess where they keep the tea eggs.
Paleo this muthafuckaaaaas.jpg
Sometimes I love China.

[MazdaMatt]

That's beautiful... can you actually TASTE the smog on the pork?

[Dunbar]

I did it.

You didn't think I could, but I did.

Admit it folks, the hardest part of SS is not adding weight; it's subtracting it.

Aside from making you feel like a total pansy (even though you're still lifting more than you were when you started) and an idiot, the 10% my-form-went-to-shit-because-i-was-greedy drop makes the logs a little less exciting.

But I'll post them anyway.

DOUBLE HEADER!
(between Friday's workout, the rugby tournament in Chongqing in which I scored a totally amazing drunken rampage try -not bragging- and today's workout there has been no time to spare)

Dec 3, 2010
Squat: BARx2x5 40x1x5 55x1x5 70x1x5 90kgx3x5
Press: BARx2x5 27.5x1x5 32.5x1x5 40x1x5 47.5kgx3x5
Pull: BW(82kg)x1x11 BWx1x9 BWx1x7 (I'm using a new and better pull-up station; the downside is I have to leap and climb just to get up to the handles so the numbers have dropped a little I guess)
DSit: 17x1x10 17x1x8 17x1x7
BExt: 14x3x11

Dec 6, 2010
Squat: BARx1x5 40x1x5 57.5x1x5 72.5x1x5 95kgx3x5 (the second set was a little uneven rise-wise - then I asked myself if I really felt like dropping weight AGAIN and miraculously, my final set of squats was just fine)
Chest: BARx1x5 40x1x5 52.5x1x5 65x1x5 85kgx3x5 (Holy shit were these scary. Mutant milk power doesn't last forever though; trembling elbows on the last rep mean that this Friday I'm only jumping up 1-2 kilos)
Deadl: 60x1x5 80x1x5 90x1x5 102.5kgx1x5 WOOOHOOO-but then I found out I had accidentally destroyed my ipod with the barbell.
There was no time (I told you) for DSits or BExts.

Despite the shortened WO and drop I've got to say that all in all this was a none-too-shabby WO day. 102.5kg deadlift may not mean much to y'all normal people, but for me and my strangely weak frame it's a PR (freaky or no, my bench is too).

To mark this momentous achievement I'm introducing a new feature and acronym!

Cultural Differences in the Middle Kingdom (CDMK):
Would you like to know how to piss off a Chinese person? It's simple; just tell them that Indians, in general, speak better English! I know it doesn't seem insulting, hell, it's a simple and verifiable fact. Nevertheless, once this sentence is uttered even Chinese Buddhas will give you a pretty fearsome glare.

Conversely, if you tell an American charity worker who just won the lottery while discovering the cure for cancer, AIDS, and the Common Cold that they're "getting a little heavy," you'll still probably be frowned at. But that wouldn't stop the Chinese.

When it comes to physical appearance Chinese people pull no punches. They even adopt insulting names themselves. My first b-boying teacher told me his name was Fatty - 胖子 "pangzi" and had been since the age of five (his English name was "Poison" because it sounded like "pangzi" which is actually kind of awesome). Chinese people, girls especially, will delightfully tell people when they have gained a bit of heft.

To wit, regard the following conversation I had this morning in Chinese.

"Hey Foreign Friend!"

"Hello. How's business today?"

"It's okay. My, you are growing so fat!"

"I'm sorry?"

"You are growing fat! Before you looked so strong, but now you look very fat."

"Oh. Actually I'm stronger than before."

"Oh hahaha. I just think you are fatter. Hahahaha. Here's your locker room key."

"Ok, thank you gym receptionist!"

I've been having conversations like this ever since that landmark day when I first downed four cartons of milk. Individually, it's funny but from a wider perspective it's a shame because this conversation is indicative of the direction that fitness is taking in China.

Just look at the magazines they've put in my gym!
spot the Weider.jpgfor shame.jpg
(In Chinese the title's more directly translated as Healthy Beautiful Gentleman and Scientific Bodybuilding.)

Yes, there are some articles of value, however, the underlying theme seems to have more to do with vein protrusion than actually gaining strength. <http://www.ifbbpro.com/features/sun-li-editor-muscle-and-fitness-china/> Brrrrrrrr.

In any case, all of this means that the majority of the guys in my gym are going to keep on doing silly exercises (it doesn't help that the gym receptionist is kind of cute) that turn them into weak, but cut, cardio nazis.

hmmm...maybe I should rename it Cultural Similarities...

Well at least milk sales are on the rise. GoFMMC!:28

PS: It's just efficient Mazda: Smog-smoked ham means getting all your vitamins and minerals in one bite!