Looks a bit better... watch your wrists, they're really cocked back and get worse as the bar gets closer to your chest. The bar should be directly over your radius and your wrists should NEVER MOVE. I'm pretty sure Rip dedicated at least a page or two in the book (including graphics) to how to properly hold the bar. Jordan also has a nice article: Gripping Matters | Jordan Feigenbaum

Once all of your limbs are in alignment it'll be easier to see where your grip should be and where the bar should touch on your chest.