"Physical strength is the most important thing in life. This is true whether we want it to be or not." - Ripocrates

Reading this, as Nick said, I thought, "That's cute. Not true, but I get it." Just like Nick, I later realized it is true (whether I wanted it to be, or not.) I bought a training log from the Aasgaard store with the plan of logging my training, but we don't need a phsyical notebook to log this stuff anymore, so I just let it sit on my desk as an artifact that would remind me to get my ass downstairs and do my 5s, and then log it on my text file like everyone else. This book would later be used for a much more pressing matter.

I made a post several months ago asking about Benzodiazepenes, and how they may or may not affect progression with lifting. Of course I was responded with, "Why the hell are you taking valium every day?" by uncle Rip. I eventually found a psychiatrist who was willing to work on a taper schedule with me, with the goal of eventually being off the benzodiazepenes, starting with a small decrease in weekly doses, and regressing linearly until I reached a point where my body no longer depended on the drug. I used the Starting Strength training log to track the taper schedule, and in tandem with my NLP of lifting, I had my own little NLP (or NLR if you will) of tapering. The lifting helped the taper, and the taper helped the lifting. This was a synergistic progression.

The hidden component of being strict about getting the last rep of the last set of five is balls. In order to face the anxiety of tapering and the side effects that go with it, being able to tell myself, "I did 3 sets of 5 at this weight - 5 lbs last session, I can definitely get 1 rep, and go from there. I will try to get all 5, and the worst thing that happens is I fail, and we have data." This is obviously easier said than done, but with amount of times that I put myself under the bar feeling like shit, thinking for sure that I would not get the 5th rep, and getting it, and then watching the footage only to see the barspeed triple what I 'percieved it to be' in the moment, I eventually applied this subconsciously. But I didn't just apply it to getting under the bar, I applied it to everything else in life that I could apply it to. One of these things was the taper.

I shared my taper plan with a close friend of mine, and he asked me, "When are you going to be medication free?", to which I responded, "The process is the goal." This was because I had just listened to an episode of the SS podcast, where Rip and Nick talked about people being hyperfocused on a number. "When will I be able to squat 405?" "The process of walking into the gym whether you feel like shit or not, and adding 5 lbs to your squat, and squatting it for 3 sets of 5 is the goal. Squatting 405 will just be shortly after you load up 400 while iterating on the process." (not the exact quote, but this is the sentiment.) So I knee-jerk reacted to my friend when he asked me, "When will you be medication free?" with this response because I was subconsciously treating this taper the same way I treated my linear progression. This was the aha moment for me.

I had doubts, "Can I get through the next week with 1mg less than what I took this week? Will something awful happen to me?" etc. Of course, I would just think back to the above thoughts, and apply them here: "I got through the entire week with X milligrams, so surely I can attempt to do Monday with X - 1 milligram, and see where we go from there." Of course, Tuesday morning rolls around, and I feel exactly like I did the Tuesday before. And this process continued iteratively until I eventually finished it. By the time I was on 1 milligram per day, I forgot to even take the dose, because it stopped doing anything, and I was finally free. Nothing bad happened, and it was all about trusting the process, and having balls.

Thanks Rip, Andy Baker, Nick, Rusty, Ray, Grant Broggi, and everyone else. You saved my life.