Joined a new gym last night. Hilarious

[laser]

Discovered today a way to fuck with idiots who curl in the squat bar:

Step 1: Drink massive protein shake before gym session

Step 2: Crop dust the shit out of them

(Per Urban Dictionary: Crop Dust -Passing gas in a stealth manor, usually while walking through a crowd or a group, so that someone else gets blamed for the stench, or at the very least people besides the assailent must suffer it.)

[JamesAE]

Oops -- can't count

[Kyle Schuant]

An older gentleman approached me in the gym today. "I have a problem with the modern gym."
"I also have many problems with modern gyms, sir, I'm not sure if we'd have the same problems with them, what's yours?"
"You only have the Herald-Sun?"
"Yes sir, that's correct."
"You used to have The Age, The Australian, The Financial Review... you don't anymore?"
"No, sir."
"Where can I find these?"
"I believe the newsagents' has newspapers."
"The gym used to supply these."
"Not for some years, sir."
"Is that the gym policy now?"
"Our policy is that the gym is for working out, you can read at the library."
"And I can walk in the street!"
"Yes, sir, you can walk in the street, and I certainly recommend that on a sunny day like today, save the gym for rainy days."
"But what about The Australian? Really, only the Herald-Sun?"
"We find that if the workout is intense enough to have any effect, the Herald-Sun is all you can read. Nobody can go hard in their workout and read the Financial Review."
"So that is the gym policy?"
"Yes, sir, that's correct. If you wish to give feedback on the gym policy, up the corridor are some feedback forms."
"Huh." He wandered off and read the Herald-Sun while walking on the treadmill at 4km/hr. He would have walked faster on the street.

[Philbert]

Does anyone else know a person like this? I just posted my training video up on facebook and outlined what i did wrong/ right. A guy i know then comments telling me what I'm doing right and wrong. He will ask me a question, I'll give him the answer and then he basically rewords what i just said!

I worked for a guy a little like that, but worse. He would ask how I was planning to do a job I would tell him my plan, he would disagree and propose his own plan, I would explain why it wouldn't work. We would discuss possible adjustments to his plan to get around all the reasons it wouldn't work, and after about half an hour he would suggest my original plan, which I would agree with.

[Immortal_k]

An older gentleman approached me in the gym today. "I have a problem with the modern gym."
"I also have many problems with modern gyms, sir, I'm not sure if we'd have the same problems with them, what's yours?"
"You only have the Herald-Sun?"
"Yes sir, that's correct."
"You used to have The Age, The Australian, The Financial Review... you don't anymore?"
"No, sir."
"Where can I find these?"
"I believe the newsagents' has newspapers."
"The gym used to supply these."
"Not for some years, sir."
"Is that the gym policy now?"
"Our policy is that the gym is for working out, you can read at the library."
"And I can walk in the street!"
"Yes, sir, you can walk in the street, and I certainly recommend that on a sunny day like today, save the gym for rainy days."
"But what about The Australian? Really, only the Herald-Sun?"
"We find that if the workout is intense enough to have any effect, the Herald-Sun is all you can read. Nobody can go hard in their workout and read the Financial Review."
"So that is the gym policy?"
"Yes, sir, that's correct. If you wish to give feedback on the gym policy, up the corridor are some feedback forms."
"Huh." He wandered off and read the Herald-Sun while walking on the treadmill at 4km/hr. He would have walked faster on the street.

That's gold Jerry, gold!

[Dastardly]

Have you ever watched "The Brittas Empire" Kyle?

I think you will like.

[PaulBeech]

I just heard about a guy called Ian Mcarthy for the first time.

[StrongLiftMyBalls]

I've toyed with the idea of doing some crop dusting around my office. There are paths between blocks of cubes I could walk without the inhabitants seeing me, so really it's the perfect crime. I also feel like I deserve some retribution for constantly entering the bathroom to find toilets unflushed and still packed with shit, especially on monday when evaporation from the weekend has concentrated the nasty and left a brown ring at the water level from friday.

This sort of behaviour, and piss all over the seat, was a bit of a shock when i started in an office. I get it when youre at school, kids dont care and some find it funny. I get it at uni/college. College kids dont care about anything and usually drunk and immature.

But in an office like mine, which is at a major financial institution, where everyone has a degree and higher degree, wears suits, acts very mature (read: mostly boring) and we have meeting with some of the worlds most powerful financiers, and yet they STILL piss on the seat and dont flush their shits.

I know i shouldnt be surprised, but seriously wtf.

[IlPrincipeBrutto]

This sort of behaviour, and piss all over the seat, was a bit of a shock when i started in an office.
...
But in an office like mine, which is at a major financial institution, where everyone has a degree and higher degree, wears suits, acts very mature (read: mostly boring) and we have meeting with some of the worlds most powerful financiers, and yet they STILL piss on the seat and dont flush their shits.

+1
I worked for a small investment bank (IT), and I regularly found the most disgusting shit in the toilets (both literally and figuratively). I saw many times people in pin striped suits leaving the toilet without washing their hands, and stuff like this. The contrast between the facade and the actual behaviour was quite striking.


IPB

[Corrie]

This sort of behaviour, and piss all over the seat, was a bit of a shock when i started in an office. I get it when youre at school, kids dont care and some find it funny. I get it at uni/college. College kids dont care about anything and usually drunk and immature.

But in an office like mine, which is at a major financial institution, where everyone has a degree and higher degree, wears suits, acts very mature (read: mostly boring) and we have meeting with some of the worlds most powerful financiers, and yet they STILL piss on the seat and dont flush their shits.

I know i shouldnt be surprised, but seriously wtf.

+10000

It's a fairly common occurance to find shit on the seat in my office. Piss too, as well as all over the floors. I think it's either a pure lack of respect for everyone else or a passive aggressive move. How can you piss all over the seat and just leave it?