Joined a new gym last night. Hilarious

[Mr.City]

Please tell me that you hitched ever rep, bounced ever rep off the floor, pulled with a rounded back, took a super wide grip/stance, and let out primal rage screams upon lockout. Please.

[BryanM]

Thanks for passing on my little story, BryanM

Fair warning: from now on when I pass this on you're now a 12 year old girl with pigtails and the other guy is an eight foot tall giant. To better emphasize the absurdity / retardedness.

"And then the little girl looked up and said 'But mister giant, you're so big and strong, and I'm so small and weak. If I can do it, why can't you?'

The giant looked down sadly and shook his head. 'I don't know, little girl. I just can't.'

And then the giant wandered away, presumably to choke to death while eating some mashed potatoes."

It'll be like a fable centuries from now.

[simonsky]

can anyone help me? i am having a dilemma coz i bench alone in the new gym i workout at and when my bar speed gets slower though i can still push through, a stranger comes in and interrupts my set by aiding me to push the bar.

this pisses the fuck out of me! i'm just 17 and scared to tell their half-benching 30+ yr old asses that this is not the way to fucking spot . like i said i'm new to the gym and just establishing my rep, though i believed that I have a good base for i am known as the "powerlifter", constantly being talked about behind my back when i squat.

when they help me, this technically means that i missed a rep or two. fuck! what should i do. ?

Hilarious?...not!

[OITW]

I find screaming mad obscenities with my face grimaced under load usually keeps stray hands off my bar.

I don't get many offers to spot, either.

[JCavin]

Alright guys, I have a LOT to report on my latest gym session. In fact, I have 2 pages of handwritten notes in my workout journal. I'll be assigning these people a handle for easier reference.

I arrived at my gym around 4:30pm. I walk in and an old friend of mine that I worked with about 4 years ago is working the front desk. He's a super nice guy, just got his degree in exercise physiology, and is just a really cool guy. We did some catching up for about 10 minutes before I went to get dressed for my workout.

I come out of the dressing room with my gym bag(which they don't "allow" apparently. I said I don't care and I take it with me anyways...) and head to the squat rack in the back. I'm immediately pissed off.

Army Douchebags - There are 3 150lb army-shirt wearing douchebags doing partial barbell curls with 25# plates on each side. So, I set my bag right behind them and just stood and watched with my arms crossed. Apparently they got the point because they were done about 2 minutes later.

Gimp - As i'm loading the bar for squats, there's a fairly big guy in the Smith machine next to me. He's sitting on one of those back supported chairs that are usually in front of the dumbbell rack and mirrors. I counted up his weight and he did 4 sets of 10 with 140lbs of shoulder press. Then, he did 2 more sets with only 90lbs. This confused me as he was probably 240-250 and had shoulders twice my size and i'm willing to bet he couldn't do regular press with 1 45# plate on each side without the help of the Bitch machine. More on this guy later.

Real Deal Holyfield - While i'm doing my squats, a guy walks in wearing a t-shirt that has the name of his old town and under that it says "Wrestling" in bold letters. You could immediately tell this guy knew what the hell he was doing when he walked in.

He probably only weighed 165lbs or so. He loaded up the barbell behind me with 135 and proceeded to clean and press it with perfect form and ease. He eventually worked his way up to 225. The cool thing about it was he was pressing it without even splitting his feet.

Afterwards he loaded up 135 again and started doing sets of Snatch. He had perfect form and his feet never even moved while doing it. He was damn strong. I considered asking him to help me out with learning the PC, but I figured i'd wait to see if he kept showing up at similar times before I did.

Cougars - After I did my squats, I loaded up the barbell with my pressing weight. Normally I would allow someone else to do some squats in the rack, but most of the people were gone at this point.

As i'm doing them, these 2 cougars come over to the Smitch machine and begin their "squat" routine. I say they are cougars because one of them clearly had big fake boobs, they both had skin-tight workout pants(nice asses too...), and I could hear pieces of their conversation. Suffice it to say it was enough to make me blush...

Boob Lady - I moved over to the back extension area after this. This put me closer to the front desk, about midfloor of the gym. At the front desk I see the owner walk in, who is obviously very attractive. She's a brunette, probably 5'5 and around 140lbs, solid muscle. She teaches all the classes they do there.

But, the part that made her stand out was that the last time I had seen her(well over 2 years ago) she had noticeably smaller boobs. And she apparently enjoys her new ones. She was wearing one of the lowest cut shirts i've ever seen. I was halfway across the gym and I could see them bouncing up and down as she talked to some guy about something that didn't really interest me. What did interest me was that she kept doing reenacting something they thought was funny, which only gave me a better view. At this point i'm beginning to wonder if this gym is gonna have too many distractions...

Gimp Then I move on to my chins. Right after my first set, ol' Gimp WALKS over normally and just hops on there and starts doing some wide grip pullups. As I said earlier, this guy is quite a bit bigger than me. After he gets all 3 reps, he hops off and proceeds to LIMP, I shit you not, he LIMPS over to the water fountain. I guess he pulled his hamstring while jumping down or something.

The funniest thing was that when he was done getting his water, he must have forgotten that he had hurt himself because he didn't limp for the first 10 steps or so. After that he must have remembered though, because he resumed.

Metro Boy - For the last 30 minutes or so of my workout, there was a guy with tiny little bird legs repping out 225 on bench press. He never warmed up and he never changed the weight. He just put 2 plates on each side and started doing as many sets of as many reps as he could.

What made him a Metrosexual is that he was wearing a completely coordinated outfit. He was wearing a black Nike t-shirt with yellow rings on the sleeves and yellow writing that said "Livestrong" on the chest. He wore a black Nike hat with a yellow Nike check. He wore black athletic shorts with yellow trim. Black socks. And, black and yellow Nike shoes. Seriously. I can't make this shit up.

Yale Foosball - In the meantime, there is a real skinny guy walking around the gym with a t-shirt that says "Yale Football" on it. I'm thinking he bought it from Old Navy or something because this guy was too skinny to play basketball in high school. The highlight of his workout routine was when he went to work on "Teh Lats." He jumped up on the pullup bar with the hammer grip(you know, both hands facing inward toward each other.) and moved his body maybe 3 inches tops up and down. After he got all "15" reps in, he must have been spent because he sat down to catch his breath for about 10 minutes while he tried to figure out what else he could do.


So, here ends Chapter 2 of my GymRat Shennanigans. More to come, i'm sure.

[gzt]

On the other hand, it's Yale, man. Not exactly a football powerhouse.

[quadancer]

For some compelling and probably shallow reason, on occasion, even if it's not back day, I like to follow those 3" pullup guys with a big db to put behind the knees and proceed to rep out full ROM sets.
I know I should ignore them, but a couple of times, my superficiality took over. I feel like, if you're going to tie up the rack, at least do it properly.

[CJTX]

So I was at the squat rack on Friday, working up to a 3RM, when two regulars walked in. They're bodybuilder types, so of course fake tans, skimpy tank tops, and some "xtreme" energy drink in hand. Instead of the normal bench press/bicep curl workout they do 3 times a week, it seemed to be forearm day... which meant wrist curls... with a spotter... while grunting like they were deadlifting a Volkswagon. I usually try to mind my own business in the gym, but that level of douchebaggery couldn't be ignored. I guess that's what I get for belonging to one of the 24-hr big box commercial gyms.

[Dastardly]

Today I was calling a bunch of what I thought was gyms listed in my city. It turned out the list was not just gyms but a general health & fitness category.

I called up this one place which had the very discreet name of 'unit 2' a very friendly camp male voice answered the phone.

I was just about to ask if it was a real 'hardcore place' , ask if they were properly equipped and if the staff new what they were doing etc..

When the man on the phone explained they were not actually a gym but a "sauna" .

This Sauna happened to be in Gaytown. Also, in the UK, Sauna or Massage parlor are the names used for brothels.

[Rorschach]

Well their website makes it fairly clear, at least.

There are legitimate saunas in the UK, but most of them are... "niche interest", yes.