OVERCOME: My SS log to become a MAN

[ivankannan]

I was awfully skinny. I started August 2009 seriously but was doing some weird 4 days split and my stats were:
Age:23
Ht: 5'8''
Weight: ~120lbs
BF: ~12%
Bench:65lbs
Squats: Didn't do it.
OHP: 30lbs (military presses)
Deadlifts: Whats that?

And then around October I started with Starting Strength:
Squats: 65lbs
Deadlifts: probably 65lbs too

Current Stats:
Weight: 156lbs
BF: 20% (35inch waist).
Squats: 205lbs
Bench: 115lbs
Deadlifts:205lbs
Power cleans: 110lbs
OHP: 87.5lbs.

I have done many mistakes in the past. My nutrition has been always good but whenever I tried to cut I would lose ALL the strength, so I would start my bench again at say 90lbs and work my way back. Its weird and it bothers me. But fck it, my short term goal is to squat 225lbs and bench 135lbs. Lets see how it goes.

[ivankannan]

July 13, 2010
Week 1 - Day 1

Squats:
45lbs x3x5
65lbs x2x5
95lbs x1x5
115lbs x1x3
185lbs x5
185lbs x4
182lbs x4

Bench:
45lbs x3x5
65lbs x2x5
110lbsx3x5

Deadlifts:
65lbsx3x5
95lbsx1x5
165lbsx3x5

I should have probably done 182lbs in all the workouts. Also I worked out in the morning for the first time and actually didn't feel very good.

Today's Diet:
9am: 4 egg whites, 1 cup oats + 1.5 cup skim milk + 1 cup 1%milk + fish oil caps(2)
11am: 2 cups 1% milk
12pm: 2 cups 1% milk + 1 scoop whey
1:30pm: 6oz (I guess) Chicken breast + veggies. Handful of almonds+multi
4:30pm: 2 cups 1%milk + whey + 1 scoop PB + apple + 2 turkey slices on a whole wheat tortilla
8pm: Footlong subway seafood sensation + yogurt
10:30pm: cottage cheese + 1/4 cup mozarella cheese + 1/2scoop casein.

I am wondering whether this will be like 3000 calories.
I am dying to go to gym tomorrow. I had recently bought two chains each about 1lbs so I will put them on my Overhead press instead of pressing the same weight.

Some motivation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ffs_5DMJLw (embedding disabled in this video)

[Cookieman]

Hey, just coming in here to wish you good luck. It looks like it has been a difficult road for you so far to get to where you are, but you stuck through it and made good gains. I'm sure you'll be able to hit your short-term goals soon with your dedication.

[ivankannan]

Thanks a lot man, I really appreciate it.
I am very bothered by the fact that I have lost strength repeatedly. I would struggle to get my bench to say 115lbs and then if I couldn't work out a week due to say travel etc, my bench would come crashing down to 90-100lbs. I would work my way back and then the same would happen, its very annoying but its good that now I have started to investigate what the problem is. I did some bloodwork especially for thyroid and it turned out fine. I pretty much hope my test levels are fine too. Cortisol may be high, which is why these days I have started to reduce my stress levels. Earlier I would be stressed like hell all the time. Also I hope I will be able to fix my sleep issues. But one thing is I have started to doubt whether my bench press form is good or not. I have seen the DVD many times and read other articles too about bench but I think I might be missing something. Will take a video soon and will get help from you guys.

[gamedog]

I have suffered from a lot of problems from my childhood, in fact I hate my childhood. I was depressed as a child, had very low self-esteem, was very very timid, had very few friends as a child and didn't play sports. Overall I was pathetic. I have been bullied a lot. I have lost a lot of things in my life being shy. I have had sleep troubles from early on. But I hope to overcome all these problems. I still look very skinny but I want to pack on a lot of mass, which will hopefully help me develop confidence. I have a much better social life now but still I am kind of timid. So I want to look like how a real man should be (this might sound funny but believe me),

I had a great dad and mom, I never wanted for anything and I never went hungry, and that's why I feel bad when I say "my childhood sucked." ... But in a lot of respects, it did. Like you, I got bullied a lot, and my self-esteem sucked. I was ALWAYS picked last for sports in school, except for dodgeball, but in junior high, when basket ball is the norm for gym class ... yeah. I was persona-non-grata. A total spaz. Skinny, awkward... A total nerd. I even went so far as to dumb myself down, to fit in.

I know how it feels. Growing up with that, it makes it hard later on...

Weight lifting DEFINITELY builds self-confidence. And, I have found, it helps ease depression as well. Soon you will carry yourself differently. Add 150 pounds to your squat and you'll start to have a sense of yourself. You'll start to feel yourself growing powerful. This is a good thing.

Real People do Real Things. Weight Lifting is a Real thing. You will learn a lot from weight lifting. Let it make you strong, and let it keep you humble. Don't become that which you hate. Don't become a bully. Rather, become that calm, stoic badass, that man who has a sense of himself, who knows his limitations and pushes them intelligently.

You can do it! You're already off to a good start.

P.S. Remember to eat.

P.S.S. I'll stop back by often to follow your progress.

[ivankannan]

Weight lifting DEFINITELY builds self-confidence. And, I have found, it helps ease depression as well. Soon you will carry yourself differently. Add 150 pounds to your squat and you'll start to have a sense of yourself. You'll start to feel yourself growing powerful. This is a good thing.

Real People do Real Things. Weight Lifting is a Real thing. You will learn a lot from weight lifting. Let it make you strong, and let it keep you humble. Don't become that which you hate. Don't become a bully. Rather, become that calm, stoic badass, that man who has a sense of himself, who knows his limitations and pushes them intelligently.

You can do it! You're already off to a good start.

P.S. Remember to eat.

P.S.S. I'll stop back by often to follow your progress.

You nailed it down for me man. My self-esteem has improved a lot. The other thing I noticed was the feeling of being powerful. After starting at 65lbs and working my way upto 165lbs on the squats I was starting to feel powerful. Nobody in my friends' circle squats this much (nobody in fact squats, haha). I was in fact becoming arrogant. Thankfully I caught this behavior and I realized how stupid I was. Not only is 165lbs nothing, but being arrogant is something stupid. Even though my squat has been increasing I feel calm inwards. I no more tell people around how much I squat. "Power corrupts" but I am pretty sure that if I squat 300lbs I won't be arrogant at all.

----
I just want my bench press to increase. My chest size has pretty much stayed at the same size for the past one year. Its around 35.5 inch and my waist is 33.5 inch now. So once I know for sure that my bench is increasing linearly, I can up my intake. But till then I want to play a bit cautious - will be happy with 1lb per week.

[ivankannan]

In this journal I hopefully want to talk about other aspects that I have been learning these days. Most of it should be related to the power of mind. To begin with, let me tell you guys that I read this wonderful book called 'The education of a bodybuilder' by Arnold. The second half of the book is pretty much useless for us, he talks about exercises and nutrition and most of us know a lot of it. But the real deal is the first part. Its about Arnie's life and how he became successful. There is a constant theme flowing in that part - its the power of mind. He keeps stressing about positive thinking, and visualization etc and how it helped him overcome many problems and get an edge over other bodybuilders and so on. I will share stuff like these from the book these subsequent posts.

[ivankannan]

July 15, 2010:
Week 1 - Day 2:

Today's workout session B:
Squats:
45lbsx3x5
65lbsx2x5
95lbsx1x5
115lbsx1x3

190lbsx1x5 (very heavy)
185lbsx1x4 (4th rep very bad form)
185lbsx1x4 (took assistance from a friend but in the fourth rep I almost sat down)

This was a mistake. Last time I was not able to complete 185 and so I have done 185lbs again. Instead I was a bit over confidence thinking I can do 190lbs. Lesson is that if you cannot do a particular working set, then repeat it next time.

OHP:
45lbsx3x5
82lbsx1x5
82lbsx1x5
82lbsx1x4 (insufficient rest, another guy was asking me many times whether i am done or not).

I was just practicing power cleans with 65lbs. Last time I tried 105lbs I badly injured my wrists. Thankfully lots of ice kind of made it ok. But I am not happy with my form. I cannot point my elbows forward, it just points it to the ground. Very bad flexibility. Will have to work on it.

Rows:
65lbsx3x5
Working sets:
100lbsx2x5
105lbsx1x5

My chin ups are getting better. And after that I also tried pull ups, they were much better than before, but still cannot do pull ups without the machine assistance (actually I have never tried pull ups without assistance).

---
So next time I am going to repeat 185lbs in Squat. If the first two sets go well, I will do 190lbs in the last set. Also last work out was 110lbs bench, so will bump it to 112lbs and similarly if the first two go well, might bump it to 115lbs. But I am still working on my bench. I somehow feel that the form is not right, and may be thats why my bench is so low. I never feel anything in my pecs after bench sessions.

[ivankannan]

Had slept at 12:30am yesterday but woke up at 6am like a clock work. Felt very fresh so didn't go back to sleep. I started working and I thought I will fall asleep again, (as it usually happen), but I didn't. I really felt I slept very deep, after a long long time. And throughout the day I felt fresh, didn't feel sleepy at all, could also concentrate better and enjoyed my work. Realized how I have been missing this energy all these days.

And I am wondering its due to the meditation that I have been doing for the past 4 days. When I close my eyes I realize how messed up my mind is. So I close my eyes and try to follow my breathing and sometimes try to count as I breathe and visualize the numbers in my mind. 1, 2, <distraction>, 3, <distraction>, 4.... and so on.. I highly recommend reading http://www.frankzane.com/1989_flex_magazine.htm article by Frank Zane.

I ate a lot today (or may be not??).
7:30am: 1 cup oats + 1 cup skim milk + 4 egg whites + 1 cup 1% milk
11am: Subway footlong chicken with avacado (half of it) + 2 cups 1% milk
1noon: The remaining half + 2 cups 1%milk
3pm: 2 cups 1%milk
5pm: 3 bread slices + 1tbsp PB + banana + 2 turkey slices. (Preworkout)
2 scoops whey during workout.
8pm: Brown rice (uncooked was about 1 cup, that was a lot!) + may be 6oz chicken + pulses + broccoli
10:30pm: 2 cups 1% milk + cottage cheese + handful of almonds.

But I was very sleepy today after dinner. Generally I stop breathing (yeah, I have breathing problem, a big one) and so I think that made me sleepy.

[ivankannan]

Meditation didn't work yesterday
My mind was so messed up that I went into a stage of distraction that I totally forgot to track my breathing. Went to sleep around 12:15am but slept at 1am.
Woke up at 7:30am and I weighed in myself - 149.6lbs (compared to 148lbs yesterday). Waist is 34inch compared to 33.5inch yesterday morning. Frustrated.