Jokes.

[Mark Rippetoe]

The Lion is walking down his path in the jungle, and comes on a pond. A clear, still pond in which he admires his reflection.

"Look at my beautiful sweeping mane, my huge muscular frame. My sabre-like claws, teeth like ivory chisels. My shining, intelligent eyes. Anyone can clearly see why I am the King of the Jungle."

Then he hears a small voice from the pond. "Bullshit!"

"What? Did someone say 'bullshit' to me, the King of the Jungle?"

"Yep. I said bullshit. I'm the King of the Jungle."

The lion looks at the pond more closely, and on a lily pad in the middle sits a frog.

"Wait a minute, frog. You can't be serious. Look at you. You're little, you're green, you have bumps all over you, your eyes are bugged out, and you're obviously stupid."

Frog says, "Fuck off, lion. I've been sick."

[MattJ.D.]

Im either too stupid to get the joke or its not funny

[Christian Bligh]

The Lion is walking down his path in the jungle, and comes on a pond. A clear, still pond in which he admires his reflection.

"Look at my beautiful sweeping mane, my huge muscular frame. My sabre-like claws, teeth like ivory chisels. My shining, intelligent eyes. Anyone can clearly see why I am the King of the Jungle."

Then he hears a small voice from the pond. "Bullshit!"

"What? Did someone say 'bullshit' to me, the King of the Jungle?"

"Yep. I said bullshit. I'm the King of the Jungle."

The lion looks at the pond more closely, and on a lily pad in the middle sits a frog.

"Wait a minute, frog. You can't be serious. Look at you. You're little, you're green, you have bumps all over you, your eyes are bugged out, and you're obviously stupid."

Frog says, "Fuck off, lion. I've been sick."

A pretty, healthy, coming of age, career, grocery shopping, but single and lonely lady is at the checkout...

She finally comes to the cash register after some shopping, pays, and is helped out by young, pure, teenage boy.

In the parking lot she musters up the courage to tell him:

"I have an itcipuzi"

The boy tell her

"well, you're going to have to point it out, all these Japanese cars look the same to me..."

[Mark E. Hurling]

What is torque and how best to explain it?

Torque can be expressed as waking up with a hard-on and going to the bathroom to take a leak. By the time you get it bent down to properly line things up in an acceptable sanitary manner your feet fly out from underneath you.

I told that one to Dearly Beloved 37 years ago when we were dating, and to this day she still thinks it's the funniest thing she's ever heard.

[Bronan the Barbarian]

Two Texans are walking down the road when they see a dog licking its own balls. The first Texan says to his buddy, "Man, I wish I could do that." His buddy replies, "Watch out man, that dog'll bite you."

[thirdstation]

A chicken is standing at the side of a road. He looks across the way and spots another chicken.

"Hey," he yells, "how do I get to the other side?"

The other chicken squints at him, scratches his head and shouts back, "You're already on the other side!"

[mcclamic]

A trucker is hauling some cargo down the road. He comes across a women's marathon. He spied one weary soul walking and stops to pick her up. After a while and having been on the road a while, he decides to make a move. He tells her, "No fuck no ride.". Disgusted the woman disembarks. He repeats this a few times without success. A short time later the cops pull him over. He thinks "oh boy those bitches must have squealed."

The cop goes " Sir, do you own a parrot?"
Trucker goes "Yeah, how did you know?"
Cop goes "He's been kicking chickens off your truck the last few miles saying 'Arrwwwk, No Fuck No ride! Arrwwk! No Fuck No ride'"

[Vek]

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office, naked and completely wrapped in plastic sandwich wrap. The psychiatrist says "Come on in, I can clearly see your nuts."

[mikeyfresh]

Women's rights.

[MPE]

Question: What do you call 100 heavily armed lesbians?

Answer: Militia Etheridge.