Squats & 'roids...hemmoroids

[Stevo]

Yeah yeah yeah, laugh it up, but this is a serious inquiry! Developed a mild case of, um, persistent swelling in a certain sphincter...enough so to go see Dr. Jellyfinger. His questioning went like this...what do you eat & what is the consistency of the output? I say, lots of meat & milk & the deuces are the consistency of concrete pipes. He replied that the tissues were most likely irritated due to far too much milk which acts as a "binder" in the bowel. Second question, what type of strenuous activities do you engage in? I repeated the SS program. His response? (not joking, either) "Continue this program & you will blow out your knees along with your asshole! You wanna wear a diaper forever?"

I expected the reaction to the work-out but not about the other tissue issue. I would venture to say that other elderly lifters such as myself have hit this same conundrum. Advice? Keep lifting & tempt the Huggies fate?

[Mark Rippetoe]

Hemorrhoids are largely a matter of your parents handing your bad anal genetics. Your doctor is an asshole, and a stupid one at that. On the other hand, you are a stupid guy for letting your turds get so hard to pass. Fix this obvious problem and you may find that the symptoms go away. If not, get them fixed. Jesus, Stevo, goddammit but you are a weird bastard.

[TerriblyUsefulBlockOfWood]

"Continue this program & you will blow out your knees along with your asshole! You wanna wear a diaper forever?"

Damn, I would hate to see what that looks like.

No experience with hemorrhoids, but I can tell you if milk is giving your digestion so much trouble you really need to consider supplementing with lactaid. I take two 9,000 IU tablets with every quart of milk. Thats 8 tablets a day for me. You might get by on 4. The store brand is pretty cheap, so its no huge cost issue especially with the price of milk being down to $2.88/gallon.

Better eat some plants from time to time too. Spinach is good, but too expensive when out of season. Cabbage is crap, but cheap and it will do the job.

There sure is a lot of shit talk on this board.

[JonnyPrimal]

Is it possible that along with the heavy duty craps, the haemorrhoid has occurred because steveo's vascular system hasn't adapted to the heavy weights yet? If this was right then the problem should resolve when he sorts out diet/crapping issues and his vascular system adapts.

[Robert Callahan]

I was reading a study somewhere that said 80% of people with chronic hemorrhoid problems found complete relief when they switched from a standard toilet to a squatting toilet. I guess it opens your ass hole up sitting at the bottom of a squat and the shit just comes right out. Kinda strange I know, but hey no one wants an irritated asshole?

[forge89]

Funniest. Post. Ever.

[TPrewittMD]

Miralax 1 packet in liquid of choice daily.

And you must be fibbing about the diaper thing.

[Dave I]

I say, lots of meat & milk & the deuces are the consistency of concrete pipes.

Ever hear of fiber? Go buy some apples, spinach, oatmeal, double fiber whole wheat bread, ground flax seed, and Kashi breakfast cereal. Have an apple (or two) with lunch, have oatmeal or Kashi for breakfast, slap a couple pieces of bread around that meat you are eating, fresh spinach is great for salads of filling out a sandwich, toss the ground flax seed in your protein shake or oatmeal, and drink a lot of water, like a gallon or more a day. Adjust your diet so you can get as much protein and calories as your body will allow, but adding some plant-based fiber is a good place to start.

Your doctor is an asshole, and a stupid one at that.

Agreed.

-Cheers

[justinbass]

Use stool softener.

And a diaper.

[Drewfasa]

GOMAD doesn't make you constipated, quite the opposite in fact.