Struggling with training - several things wrong - how do i proceed, need advice

[danlightbulb]

Hi all,

Around 2 years ago in May 2009 I started proper strength training. At the time I was 29 and only 126 lb, having being skinny my whole life. I brought a squat rack and started the Starting Strength programme.

Over about a year I took my weight to around 150 lb, which although I was pleased with this, wasn't enough. I will say at this point that my following of the Starting Strength programme was not great. I was heavily depressed at the time and struggled to eat anywhere near the quantity needed. I would get a minimum of probably around 2500 calories, and a maximum of 3200 calories on a good day.

After a year of training, I got back together with my ex wife, and time pressures meant I stopped training for nearly a year (we are now separated again, for good this time). I managed to hold onto the weight I had gained though over this period.

I started training again a few months ago. I am now at about 160 lb having gained a little bit recently. My goal at the moment is about 175lb. If I could get there I think I would be happy with that (i'm 5ft 10 by the way).

Despite the weight gain I have achieved, which whilst it probably doesn't sound like much to most of the people on here, is a fairly big achievement for me having been so skinny for my whole life, I feel that I am not progressing very well at all. There are several problems.

Lifts: Just not strong enough. My 3x5 squat is at 70kg, and I struggle with this exercise the most. Bench 3x5 is 50kg, OHP is 36kg, deadlift 1x5 80kg.

Eating: i have a small appetite. I drink milk to try and supplement this, and snack while i'm at work, but typically I'm getting 3000 calories a day. I know this isn't enough but am at a loss. I'm also quite a picky eater so alot of the calorie dense suggestions I read about I don't like the sound of.

Time pressures: I work full time office hours. At the weekends and one weeknight I have my son (as me and wife are separated). I can't fit in 3 workouts per week.

Energy levels: Linked i'm sure to lack of food and time pressures, but on the day I am free to train, I get under the bar and just feel weak and lacking energy.


I'm at a loss on how to proceed. I have been considering whether to give up the squat training and focus on deadlifts and upper body. I'm not a natural at squats (long, thin limbs), but feel more comfortable on the deadlift. And I would like to be able to focus more time on my upper body as it is very weak.

Unfortunately I know that there is no magic solution, but would anyone be able to offer any advice.

Many thanks for taking the time.
Dan

[rao00010]

Dan,

Tough situation all around, but I think the solutions are in your post. Basically it comes to down to priorities. I think everyone's life has challenges with respect to family, work, time, etc. Ultimately it depends on whether it is important for you to follow the program or not. As you state above, you are a picky eater and you can't fit in three workouts a week. THe solutions is to eat more and workout three times a week - nothing more complicated than that.

As Rip stated in his T-nation article, gaining strength is difficult. It requires commitment and lack of fear (i.e. fear of facing that barbell with more weight on it than last time).

I wish I had different advice for you, but I don't. I travel almost every week and am on call at least once a week (with a guarantee to go into the hospital at least once to treat a heart attack) and I have to adjust my training schedule for this. Sometimes it means going to the gym at 5 am, sometimes it means finding a gym in the city I happen to be in on that day.

From your post, it appears that your perspective on training is a source of stress for you. It shouldn't be. For me, the time I spend training is time for me to get some time alone to think about things.

Good luck. Nothing easy is worth having anyway.

Sunil

[ambivalens]

Hi Dan,

like Sunil said, nothing easy is worth having. But I know where you're coming from - not with the weight troubles and all, but with the time constraints and the slight confusion on "what to do now". I have a full time job, 2 kids under the age of 2, a wife and a house I'm working my ass off to get in proper shape. With all that going on, I had a period where I went down the "I don't have time to work out" lane. After a while of not working out I started to realize that I really had enough time, I just needed more structure.

If I prepare my breakfast in the evening, I can save 5-10 minutes in the morning. If I in addition to that fix my food for work, that's another 5-10 saved. Get up 40 minutes earlier than usual, and you'll have a decent 60 minutes to push through a workout before you need to get to work. Instead of sitting down to browse these forums and read about stuff, get to the gym or your workout room. For a period I tried splitting up workouts, so that I'd do a quick general warmup and my squat sets in the morning, then in the afternoon/evening I'd do the press and clean or whatever have you. That felt a bit too disconnected to me, but it's doable. Another good tip that's been great for me is: bring the kid to the gym. I work out in my basement, but I'm sure a regular gym has no problem with you bringing the lil' un with you. My daughter that's nearly 2 runs around and goes nuts while I do my lifts, and I play with her in between sets. That means my wife only has 1 to deal with upstairs, which keeps her cool too. If she wants to play outside on a sunny day, I get her to compromise with being inside for my squats, then we go outside for deadlifts or whatever we can. I bring all the weights out there. Sure, it isn't ideal, but nothing in real life is. With family, kids, work, personal issues and whatnot, you have to make do with shitty situations.

Long story short: if you want it, you can have it - you just have to push through! Good luck, mate!

[crc]

I'm also quite a picky eater so alot of the calorie dense suggestions I read about I don't like the sound of.

I work full time office hours. At the weekends and one weeknight I have my son (as me and wife are separated). I can't fit in 3 workouts per week.

You can make yourself eat things you might not necessarily like. You also have plenty of time to fit in 3 workouts a week. You're asking for 'advice' when it's obvious that your problems are a result of the deliberate choices you've made.

[william jackson]

from Wendler's 5/3/1 manual.

Do this 3-4 times a week and you won’t fall into the trap of being normal. You’ll be strong, healthy and in shape. You won’t make New Year’s resolutions because you’ll be living it every day. You can eat that final piece of pie and not count carbs because you just ran 20 hill sprints for the third time this week. You can wake up and not feel like shit because you’ve actually taken the time to foam roll and stretch. You actually have some traps from deadlifting. You don’t fall for fitness trends, because you know what works. You stop caring what people say on the internet, because you’re always making progress. You’re always moving forward toward something. People ask you how to train, and you answer, “I look at what you do, and then I do the exact opposite.” You’ll actually be able to move because your feet will be fast from jumping rope. You won’t be out of breath all the time. You’ll be able to take on any physical activity you want. You’ll be different once you’ve spent time straining to get a rep PR in the squat or pushed a Prowler for 40 minutes. Dealing with the idiots at work or your boss will no longer be an issue. It’s hard to bring a man down after he’s had three weeks of personal records in the gym. It’s hard to get mad at the guy who cuts you off in traffic after you’ve left your lunch on top of the hill after bear crawling up it. Who cares about all that meaningless stuff? When your training and your life are moving forward, you certainly won’t. It doesn’t take a lot to do this. You already give 8-10 hours a day to your boss and to your work. To boredom and to people and organizations that couldn’t care less about you. Then your family and friends get the rest of your time.
What about you? Do you really think so little of yourself that you can’t sacrifice an hour or two, 3-4 days a week, for yourself? This “me” time isn’t spent shopping, watching TV or getting on the internet. You’re spending it reinvesting in your body, building strength, and building character. Kicking ass and training consistently – and with some balance – will do wonders for both your body and your mind. Get rid of all the meaningless crap in your life and your training. Get rid of the things that bleed your energy in the weight room and in life. What’s better for you? The Prowler or a stroll on the treadmill? What do you think is going to make you better? Don’t fall for the crap that people are peddling on message boards, in magazines or on TV. Get your shit in order, and get your training in order. Start kicking ass, and take out the crap that doesn’t matter. Start doing and believing in the stuff that works, and do it today and forever. You want science and studies? Fuck you. I’ve got scars and blood and vomit.

get your life under your control. It is better this way.

Just kick ass man. Unless you want us to babysit your kids, there is nothing we can tell you that you already don't know.

[IlPrincipeBrutto]

Hi Dan,

I have a full-time job (and I am thankful for that), and a recent addition to my family.
I work out in the morning, before coming to work, four times a week (I split my sessions, to shorten their time).
I pack my gym bag in the evening, prepare the food for breakfast and get my clothes ready. This saves me a lot of time, and maybe you can do something similar.

Regarding food, I would say that sipping a litre of milk during a day does not require much effort; you just keep the bottle on the desk, and when you feel like drinking, you swig some of it. Olive oil is also a very good, calorie dense food: hopefully, picky though you admit to be, you can stretch to that.

I would also say, move in little steps. Get the habit of working out maybe even once a week, but make the commitment and stick to it. Then, once you have proved to yourself that you can stick to a program, try to increase it, to find another day when you can have a session. Build your routine bit by bit, and in time you will have a full training program working like a well-oiled machine. Success breeds success, and if you can start with doing one little thing right, you will be able to do many more.

On the other hand, if you try to change your schedule drastically in one go, it will be more difficult, and you might get discouraged soon.

Hope this helps.


IPB

[dkggpeters]

If you have your Son one day each week during the week then you still have 4 days to workout. That is plenty of time to fit in 3 workouts and still have a life. You have to make it a priority.

If this means getting up early then do it. If this means working out at lunch then do it. If you enjoy lifting then this should not be a problem.

Good Luck.

[Yaums]

Hi Dan,

not sure if I'm qualified enough strength training-wise, but I am more than a novice when it comes to fitting sport into a large family schedule and a demanding and stressfull job.

For your lack of time, as ambivalens said, planning is the key. I have found that training in the morning is the safest way not to skip a workout due to work or family "emergencies". If you do it, just be sure to get early to bed to sleep enough.

If you can find a lifting partner, it will help for your motivation, too.

And, last but not least (can't believe I'm finally using this expression, my english teacher would be proud of me, he), think "eating is training". In fine, your appetite has nothing to do with your goal. In the same way that having a useful workout is not a matter of strength, but a matter of dedication and work, eating enough is not a result of your appetite, it's a result of your dedication and willingness to get strong. Even if I am clearly not struggling with my appetite and weight, I have found in the past weeks that eating enough can be challenging, and I take it that way: a challenge. You'll find out that once you eat enough, you will not lack energy at the gym.

Eventually you decide what it's best for you.

Best of luck,

Y.

[Rusty9]

dan,
my guess is that a good portion of teh people on this forum especially trhe ones older than 25 or so probably balance the same things you are talking about (hopefully not the divorce situation, but i think the statistic in america is like only 40%make it for life so your not alone there either) and still manage to make it to the gym or at work out at home given they have the room or money upfront for the equipment. it really comes down to how much you want it. if it was easy evryone would squat 400 pounds and there would be nothing exceptonal about it. if you aim to be exceptional youll need to act exceptionally. making excusese will only bog you down and make your goals harder to reach. try to think solutions not problems and youll find the answers.

[BryanM]

The one thing beginners tend to miss is "increment less" - +5lb (2.72kg) quotas on the presses aren't possible for long once gains must come from improved muscular size.

For "eat more", I suggest ignoring calorie counting techniques and use a "I can not physically put food into my stomach right now" method or use the bowel-movement-a-day measurement system:

<1 poo = You're losing weight/skinny
1 poo = Maintenance
2 poo = You're trying to gain weight
3 poo = You're big and REALLY trying to gain weight
>3 poo = Oh god the humanity.

You can rationalize away failure with weaselly thoughts and easily massaged numbers, but you can't lie about poo, it knows the truth. That's just science, and you can't argue with science.

I have been considering whether to give up the squat training and focus on deadlifts and upper body. I'm not a natural at squats (long, thin limbs), but feel more comfortable on the deadlift. And I would like to be able to focus more time on my upper body as it is very weak.

Giving up the squat would be a mistake. The deadlift has some things going against it:

* It is a partial range of motion squat from the bottom. While it has an added effect of grip work and the muscles involved in keeping your arms being pulled out of their sockets, the squat already puts stress on the lower trunk muscles.

* Carryover from the deadlift to the squat is poor (this is obvious from the point above). Carryover from the squat to the deadlift is much better - the limiting factor will usually be grip, which you can train with something else.

* It's not the kind of lift you can just make straight progress on 3x a week for long.

So if you want to cut something, cut the deadlift. If your squat technique sucks, work on fixing it.

There's no excuse for not making progress between any two sessions, at this point you could strip your programming down to:

A
1x4 Press
1x4 Squat

B
1x4 Bench
1x4 Squat

and make measurable progress every time. It just requires you to get under the bar three times a week and put more food in your stomach than it wants in there.

And I would like to be able to focus more time on my upper body as it is very weak.

Your entire body is very weak.

but typically I'm getting 3000 calories a day.

That doesn't sound like much pooping to me mister.

I know this isn't enough but am at a loss. I'm also quite a picky eater so alot of the calorie dense suggestions I read about I don't like the sound of.

You don't want to do the program but you want to do the program.

Look, you don't have to drink ice cream milk shakes with added eggs and the corpses of dead cats drenched in the delicious oils of virtuous maidens - they sure can help but it.doesn't.matter. Eat more than you want to eat. If it's stuff you like to eat, so much the better. Hopefully it isn't just cabbage-laden rabbit food. Even rabbits will eat field mice, you know?

I can't fit in 3 workouts per week.

You can if you put a rack where the couch is. Wait, does "I brought a squat rack" mean you have all this equipment right there?

.... Okay, I suggest putting it off and when you're concerned about becoming the "help I've fallen" old lady from the commercials, think about trying again.

I know life is shitballs of all kinds of depressing, I really do, but if you don't want this you can't have this.