Reply With QuoteGrief is an unfortunate normal part of life, regardless of circumstances with your father you are only human to have grief. Don't beat yourself up for not being focused for a while.
Starting Strength Coach
Training through grief
... or whatever the fuck this is.
Yesterday, I found out my dad died on Saturday. No one called me. I happened to find his obituary in the paper, and then was able to figure out what happened through Facebook.
I haven't seen or talked to my dad in over 10 years. He ran off with the neighbor when I was a toddler, parents divorced, and he ended up marrying that bitch. Going to their house every other weekend until I was 13 or so was the most fucking miserable experience of my childhood. He was never around, she treated me like shit, and he didn't care.
I never thought I'd see him or talk to him again. I'm not even sure if I ever would have wanted to.
So then I go to train this morning, and I've got absolutely nothing. It was light squat day, so that was fine, but when I got to the bench, it took everything I had to finish the first set. Got three reps into the second and re-racked it with a yell of frustration. Frustration mounting further, I un-racked again having not gotten up, and the next rep didn't budge. I had to do the roll of shame with FUCKING 175 LBS. Called it quits right then without even bothering to deadlift.
I'm finally starting to make some fucking progress and then this shit happens. The bastard ruined my childhood with the way he treated me, and now I can't even fucking get through a training day. I don't know what to do mentally or physically in order to stay in the right frame of mind to get that bar up. All the anger and frustration I had wasn't enough to get it off my chest even one more time.
Member
Grief is an unfortunate normal part of life, regardless of circumstances with your father you are only human to have grief. Don't beat yourself up for not being focused for a while.
Member
I'm sorry. Take a break and get your head straight, then give it another go.
Starting Strength Coach
Some people can put their pain into the bar, and others can't...really an individual thing. If you're having a hard time focusing, might not hurt to take a little time until you're in the right frame of mind. You can always use ramping sets to catch up to where you were quickly.
For what it's worth, I've dealt with anger issues for how various people (will not name here) treated me for many years--including those years that were supposed to be the best in my life. They were still great years, but I can't help but feel that I missed out on a bit while I was working through my own personal demons.
Time eventually heals anything...just a question of how long. Eventually I just got tired of being angry and bitter, and was finally able to start over.
Member
I'm sorry for your loss, all of your loss. Weightlifting is unimportant but useful. Go to the gym, go through the motions, do what you can. It'll help.
Try to forgive him. Or, if you can't forgive him, try not to hate him. It isn't worth it.
Member
I thoroughly 2nd medwards.Originally Posted by medwards
Assuming that you had already adjusted yourself reasonably well to life, keep lifting. Keep all your routines. They're part of what is making you who you are.
Life is too short to hate. Take the high road. You'll always be glad you did.
Member
This is a great suggestion.
Member
first of all sorry for your loss
2nd of all not everyone can take grief/angst and put it into a bar. So maybe back way off or take a small break.
But I want to share some advice, as ive been/ am going through a similiar situation of sorts.
Youre not a victim, that bad day in the gym wasnt your deceased father's fault. Sure your childhood may have been less than ideal. And he may have been the creator of some of that. But youre now an adult.
Take time to grieve, mourn, be pissed, whatever. But realize youre in complete control of YOUR life NOW. So try and find some positivity out of this dark situation to get you through.
Your progress will return the gym and training will always be there but now would be a great time to self reflect and process all of these emotions.
Member
Stress fatigues you...especially if it leads to an elevated heart rate throughout the day. When I have days like that - work issues mounting, girl giving me hell etc. - by the end of the day, I'm completely drained, especially if anticipation of a shitty day led to not being able to sleep the night before.
Other than that, just being sad, would have no affect on me other than to make my desire to lift that particular day non-existent.
Member
Sounds like you are emotionally drained, it sounds like you have a lot of unresolved anger. After finding out the way you did, and after reading your post it sounds like you had a pretty intense day.
Noone can really tell you how to make peace or if you should, that's your decision. But in regards to training, time in the gym is time in the gym. That's your time to get strong. Take a deep breath when you walk in and lift.
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