I see Mr Rippetoe hasn't answered this yet and I'm not sure he will so I'll just put in my two cents worth. I am only going to address the cholesterol issue, because the rest about getting fat and cutting is just too insulting for a skinny guy like me, and also suggests that you haven't really read much on this board:
What cholesterol problem? How high is it? Have you done tests in a fasted state and when you have been eating normally? And how old are you? If you're 30 and not immensly fat, I'd say you're probably overreacting. If you're 75 and a fat bastard, then you probably have a legitimate concern. Are you on medication for your cholesterol problem?
Assuming you're not 75 and hugely fat (and considering you are "ready to start eating like a monster and lift like a beast" I'm assuming you're probably not), make sure you're getting in your olive oil and fish oil. Also, start exercising! That in itself will drop your cholesterol levels. You could even try one of those awful cholesterol lowering margarines, (though in my opinion margarine is proof of the existance of Satan). Get your levels checked every two weeks and see what happens.
Your absolute certainty that you're going to die because of your cholesterol levels is pretty fucking morbid though. Some studies show that one of the main causes of high cholesterol is stress, so stop worrying, do a workout, and have a couple of beers as your post-workout recovery drink.