I think you need someone yelling at you loud enough to squeeze the damn thing. It worked with the very few people I've trained. It's really a question of squeezing the damn thing, and when you think it's squeezed enough, squeeze it a little more. Someone yelling at you makes it easier. Since I didn't have the luxury of having someone yelling at me when I learned it, it is in fact possible to learn the deadlift without it.
Practice it a little today and then a little more tomorrow. You'll get it, don't worry.